Summer, how I love you.

Memorial weekend always feels to me like the unofficial launch of all things SUMMER.

Friends, I am so excited.

fuchsia sunset

Summer usually means business slows down a bit, which actually is okay with me. You see, when Jenna died it was around this time of year. Summer was about to begin and as much as I don’t love the heat, the heat of the summer that first summer without her was one of the most bittersweet memories I have.

Summer is like the sigh of relief after a rough couple of months every year. I feel it building after Christmas and building, and building. Until May 18th comes around and I can feel my chest split wide open.

And then, almost like magic, I can breathe again.

This is summer.

Maybe not officially, but I feel that revitalization in life again.

Inspired a bit, actually a LOT! I am working on a project with a handful of other artists and I just can’t wait to spill more about it. Sometimes I wish I could tap away at my keyboard and make money doing just this, because writing to me is like therapy.

Maybe one day. But until then I will squeeze moments throughout my day to keep at this. It helps me process life. And release whatever my heart is struggling to put into words on so many occasions.

But summer. Oh, summer. I cannot tell you how glad I am that you are almost here.

I can already taste the strawberry lemonade and the feel the damp humidity that lingers well into the evening. And while you bring a plethora of mosquitos and sunburns along with you, I welcome you. Because you are the constant, faithful reminder that life is here. Life is now.

And I am so, so ready.

I have a few things on my bucket list so far… do you have a bucket list for summer time?

Also, four days ago this young man lost his battle against cancer. His legacy is pretty amazing. “You don’t have to find out you’re dying to start living.”

ps… I wrote on the MOB Society yesterday on childhood memories and the magical outdoors!



One Day

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One day I’m going to miss this.

The changing diapers.

Wiping runny noses.

Playing ‘clean up’ fifteen times a day.

The nights that involve six hours of broken sleep.

Hearing Bubby talk about how he wants Daddy on this new schedule.

Washing these littles fingers and toes in the bath tub.

Holding their hands and feeling them grab my finger with their fists.

Finding monster trucks in the sheets, or cherrios and crackers in the couch cushions.

Watching Evie back away from the bottle to talk and babble softly for a few moments and then return to eating.

The way she calms down and snuggles in my arms.

The way they need me. I’m going to miss it.

I already feel this sense of urgency, and that time is swallowing us up much too quickly. In a few days Evie will be five months. It feels only like yesterday we were bringing her precious self home to us. It makes me wonder if I am doing enough. Taking enough pictures and videos. It makes me wonder how much time I spend looking them directly in the eyes, and drinking them in as much as possible.

She smiles, and lights up our world. She laughs too. She looks for her brother when she hears him talking.

He talks to her about his cars and trucks. Showing her the car as he talks and talks, fully trusting she isn’t missing a beat of it. She struggles to hold her head up high, but she is so eager to watch him. Listen to him. Watching them bond over trucks and cars, baby talk and afternoon snacks… it’s just beautiful.

That they are my babies. Their mommy. The one that is so needed by them.

I’m going to miss this one day.

But today, my goodness, today… I might be tired, but I am so incredibly blessed.



DIY Sunscreen

DIY Sunscreen

I am such a dork but today one of my small dreams came true and I made my own lotion!!! Well, sunscreen that is. I used this recipe! Why I decided to make my own: – most sunscreens out there are actually not doing their job – lots of sunscreens are actually doing more harm [...]

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Fighting the Sadness.

RAOK

Nelly – Just A Dream by Nelly – Just A Dream on Grooveshark It amazes me that this well, this well of absolute sadness and grief is never ever empty. There is always something down there. Something that motivates me to be a better person. Something that brings me to tears. Something that moves my [...]

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When Inspiration is Scarce and Life is Full

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Sometimes life is so full. Full of laundry piles, sick babies, dirty dishes, grocery runs, bills, emails, bad hair days. Life gets full. I have always felt like a part of me is a writer. Not to be confused with the writer that writes best-selling novels and travels the world on the publisher’s dime. But [...]

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No Poo and Curly Hair

No poo for curly hair

Since going ‘no poo’, I have learned quite a bit mostly by trial and error. There’s nothing like just diving in and learning what works for you… and what doesn’t. One thing that I have realized is that there is little out there for curly heads regarding no poo hair method. I have read a [...]

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Remember Me

mother's day for loss moms

This Mother’s Day, remember me. The mom who holds her baby’s hand in the NICU. The mom who wants nothing more than to take her newborn baby home, and free her baby from the medications, the doctors and the smell of the hospital. The mom who misses the baby she lost. The mom who has sweet [...]

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Blog and Design Tips

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A while back I had dozens of blog posts on Blogger tips and tricks. Since then Blogger has updated their interface and they pretty much became useless! haha! I also had to take some time to get used to it. How confusing it was at first! Anyway, I am thinking of starting it up again, [...]

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You. {a letter to my littles}

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I prayed for you. I cried for you. I’ve cried over you. I’ve cried with you. You are my dream come true. The apple of my eye. The reason I get up each morning. The wonder of my heart. You’ve caught me in a net of wonder, fear and you like no other have made [...]

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Sometimes You Just Have to Make the Magic.

twinkle lights

A few months ago, well it’s been about half a year now, we realized we just weren’t ready to move homes. I was disappointed to say the least. One of my biggest fantasies in our new home was creating a play room/ art room for me and the kids. Dreams of making a large chalkboard [...]

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We Speak Now

Ellie Coburn // elliecoburn.com | Ashly Griffith // After nine to five |  Keri-Anne Pink // Gingerlilytea | Franchesca Cox // So this is love | Kristine Foley // The Foley Fam | Lena Baird // Lena B. Actually | Emily // Dashboard Diaries | Cristine // Life with a side of Coffee | Shane Prather // Whispering Sweet Nothings | Shantel Cannon // [...]

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Vegan Brownies

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The other day my good friend that I have known since middle school(!!) told me about these, and even made some for me. Bubby even loved them, and that’s saying a lot. This kid is picky! They are amazing!!!! Since I was pregnant with Bubby, I have had a colossal sweet tooth and the most [...]

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three.

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This Mess

mess

On a typical day, this is what my living room floor looks like. Dump trucks, stuffed animals and books scattered all over our worn out carpet. Rubbed out spots on the floor, from peanut butter or ice cream. Laundry covering the smaller sofa. I can hardly keep up these days. I think I’ve given up [...]

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Conversations With My Rainbow Baby

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Sometimes she whispers. Sometimes she’s far. And it’s almost like it never happened. It’s easier for grief to be so close it hurts. Isn’t that so backwards though? In the beginning it was unimagineable to think that I’d have to carry this pain for the rest of my life. And now that ebb and flow [...]

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