Bluebonnets

There were bluebonnets…

Lots of them.

I could have watched him play all day in that little patch of blue.

Of course I sat him down knowing he would try a taste of something… be it the dirt, flowers or grass. He chose a mouthful of bluebonnet.

The wildflowers are extra beautiful this year. Maybe it’s because it’s because I stopped to notice.

I heart his little swirl…

What’s it like being a child? To enjoy the grass and flowers for everything they are? I wish sometimes he could tell me.

My ridiculously happy little man.

I love you so much Joseph.

Our bluebonnet day was amazing. I think we’ll just have to do this again sometime.

Bluebird Tuesday

Happy Tuesday everyone!  Hope you’re having a beautiful week so far! I {finally} redid my bluebird tuesday logo - it was way past due in my opinion!!

A few weeks ago Mary requested a quote by the beautiful Angie Smith.

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Do you have some favorite quotes/ verses or lyrics that bring you hope? Feel free to share them every tuesday and I’ll make them into little pieces that you can print/ share/ etc.

xo

And the Planning Begins!

Agh! I seriously feel like I have NO time to be planning a big birthday bash for my Bubby. Or not enough time rather.

Anyhow I originally wanted to do an old school Ninja Turtles theme for his party but to be honest the stuff I am finding is not so cute! I think I’ve decided to hold of the TMNT theme idea until he gets a little bigger ;)

So.. watching BBC’s movie premier last night {Jurassic Park III} I thought why not do dinosaurs!!? :) It makes me smile right now because it just seems so… perfect.

Bubby went for his check up the other day and the doc says he is in the 75th percentile for his weight but his height is off the charts! Love my not-s0-little big man! :)

Etsy has been a lifesaver this morning! There is no end to all the ideas I am getting :)

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Love love LOVE this banner!

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So yes, there will definitely be cupcakes, but I want to make them. Like from a homemade recipe… Anyone know of any yummy cupcake recipes? ;)

Healing or Something Like It

I think the questions have stopped. Maybe forever, maybe not. But right now they just don’t seem that important. All the Why’s and What if’s. I am not at total peace with her absence and her death, but I have peace without answers, if that makes any sense at all?

Driving today I thought about my friend saying goodbye to her newborn son any day now.

Flashes of those moments from the first days have been haunting my memory for the past few weeks. And I think it has something to do with her birthday rapidly approaching.

Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ; - 2 Corinthians 10:5

And then to hear about another loss. Another baby wanted but gone. It just makes me wonder how I ever survived.

It was a pain that I never expected to survive but I did somehow. By the pure mercy and grace of God.

The pain turned into this companion in my life we call grief. I once thought of grief as a process, but I know it more today as an act of love. A part of life that is constantly changing but always present. Always.

Since this life cannot give me my daughter back, all I really want is true healing.

The definition of healing however has been a hard one to realize.

For example, I used to believe true healing would be in the moment that I could smile again and mean it. When it happened I realized healing was not held in a truly happy moment.

Of course I have moments where I believe I have found true healing, but then a dream {or nightmare rather} dissipates the healing I had believed to be present in my heart and life. Or a memory, a vision of what could have been, or a trigger.

They all question my definition of healing.

Perhaps this grief journey is about more than just healing, it’s about living it each day with the faith that I can find it and dance anyway on the days I feel completely lost.

And at the end of the day, in spite of it all… I have survived.

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Oh, for the Love of Sunflowers

These beauties grow by our church’s campground, and this pic was actually taken last summer. I look forward to seeing them bloom again this year. They are pure amazingness to stand next to.

Link up with the yellow songbird‘s saturday snapshot and share your pictures here :)

xo

My {handmade} Happy List ♥

Today I’m linking up with Natasha’s uplifting blog hop, sharing some of the things that put a smile on my face… like pretty dresses!

Have you seen this place?? It’s absolutely fantastic. Dress heaven. It’s called the Shabby Apple.

*swoon*

Oh, and does Lisa Leonard get any more fabulous? I think I’ve convinced myself that I need one of these:

Hmm… I wonder why? ;)

and one of these…

or maybe one of these…!

What’s on your happy list? Join the blog party by clicking here :)

xo

***I am in no way, shape or form being compensated for this post, just sharing some of the  pretty things that make me smile :)

 

Bubby’s 1st Rodeo

I hadn’t been to the rodeo since I was 4 so it was like my first time too! ;)

Anyhow we went last Saturday with Pete’s brother and my sweet friend Katie. It was lots of fun just watching everyone rodeo up and act like we wear boots all year!

Rides are fun, but this year I’m glad I stayed on the ground. I don’t think I can stomach them the way I used to.

Lots of overpriced, yummy food!

Seriously… how cool is my kid? :)

My two studmuffins ♥

Rodeo art.. there were some awesome pieces and not-so-awesome pieces displayed. Just being honest. This one at the top was one of my faves. It’s like you can feel the horses running…

Okay, and this one is just plain cool. This was for sale in the craft show. A realistic depiction of the impossible meeting of presidents from the past all playing poker or something. Awesomeness.

And then of course the livestock… {so sweet!}

The petting zoo was probably one of the best parts about last Saturday. :)

That and chasing around this adorable sheep wearing a pink bow to get a picture with her! She seriously did NOT want to take a picture.

I do believe we’ll be going back :) Oh, and by the time we sat down to watch the livestock show I was too wiped out to even think about taking pictures. BUT… mutton-bustin’ is THE cutest thing ever. Bubby is SOOO doing that when he gets bigger if I have any say in it! :D

Making a Layered Rainbow Cake

As if I’m a baker. Ha! I got this idea from my friend Katie, so all the credit goes to her. I’ve been obsessed with making it ever since!

Anyway, I got a few requests about it, and thought it would make a fun post! Lots of fun colors anyway :)

1… Get your ingredients together. I bought 3 boxes, but actually only used 2. I’ll explain later..

2… Follow the instructions on the box.

3… Separate the batter into three parts. If you want a ginormous cake {and i mean GINORMOUS} separate it into TWO parts and use THREE boxes. I used two boxes and it was still a pretty good size cake!

4…  Whip out the food coloring and start mixing your colors. Red, orange {yellow+red}, yellow, green {blue+yellow}, blue and purple {red+blue}.

5… Spray down your pans with PAM.

6… Pour in your oh, so pretty batter & let it bake.

7… Repeat steps 4-6 for the next three colors.

8… Once all your cake layers are baked and cooled you can begin the messy layering process. Be sure to use plenty of icing between the layers.

8… After the layers are stacked, I found it helpful to melt the icing just for a few seconds in the microwave to make the icing more liquid-y which kept the cake crumbs from being pulled into the icing.

9… Time to enjoy :)

Happy Baking!

xo

Bluebird Tuesday

Happy Tuesday everyone :)

I don’t know about you but somedays I just need a pick-me-up. Today is one of those days.

Tiffany requested this quote last week and it resonates deeply with me today. I guess I need a little perspective today of what really matters… and what doesn’t.

Wishing you all a peaceful Tuesday. Don’t forget to share your favorite quotes, verses song lyrics… anything :) Requests are still open.

xo

A few things the 1st day of Spring brought…

I ventured out into Jenna’s garden today and it was a much needed break -Just to be outside- Not to mention the beautimous weather that puts me in the ‘gardening mood’ :)

I spent over an hour pulling weeds. I don’t know how weeds manage to survive the ridiculous cold winters but pretty flowers can’t. Anyway Jenna’s garden is a happy weed-free place. For now anyway!

Look at all these yucky weeds! I must have filled this bucket up 5 times. I found out if you pull weeds out you can’t just toss them out of the garden behind you… ;) They need to be disposed of otherwise they’ll just find a new home in the grass surrounding the garden. So now my new battle is with the weeds around the garden… ha!

While I was working in the dirt so was my little man…

And yes, that is totally dirt you see on his face. Apparently anything he can get in his mouth= food these days.

He had a blast being outdoors :)

I found a few surprises in the garden too… One was this sweet ladybug-

Another sweet surprise was the burst of pink on Jenna’s redbud tree-

This was probably the best part about being outside today, noticing the pink showing up everywhere!! Someone commented on how much pink I had picked out for Jenna’s garden but to me I couldn’t see it being her garden any other way. :)

After all, she was a princess.

Miscellany Monday

Miscellany Monday @ lowercase letters

Excuse my random pile of thoughts today… or join in on the madness at Carissa’s blog!

Mama please. NOW! That’s what Bubby’s saying these days without even saying a word. He’s noticing my absence {and by that I mean a few footsteps into the kitchen while he can still eye me}. He’s suddenly very interested in every step I take. We went for a movie/ date night a few weekends ago and to my horror learned that after we left he was searching. And then crying. For 20 minutes! :( Talk about sad!! I told Pete it’s going to be awhile before we run off on a date night again.

Wisdom Whiskers. So a co-worker of Pete has this thing where he can grow a thick beard in no time flat. Pete says he looks like Chuck Norris- I wouldn’t know since I’ve never seen him but anyway now Pete is inspired. Sigh. He is growing his beard out {for now} to see if his can get as thick as this guy’s. Oh and the whole reason I am telling you this is because he spotted a few grays in there this past weekend. So now he’s calling them his wisdom whiskers. I told you, he’s a cheeseball ;)

Heart Rock. I took a peek at our church bulletin this past Sunday and the picture on the front was amazingness. It was a picture of a rock in the natural shape of a heart. It had not been carved or anything, just created by God like that. I am now on the hunt for a heart rock!

ps- small miracles blog hop will be open all week long ♥

ps#2 – wait list is closing today since I have several oober big {and oh, so lovely} projects to work on this week!

xo

Small Miracles Blog Hop #2

I admitted to Pete yesterday that Jenna just feels so far away. I mean obviously, right? But it’s different than it used to be. I remember just having that feeling {for lack of a better word} that she was right there with us. I like to think she’s close by even though it doesn’t feel that way.

My miracle as of late is the messes I have the privilege of cleaning up.

One being the messy life of being a mama. Sometimes I look at Joseph’s toys all over the place and it makes me happy. I love that I have someone to make these messes around here.

This afternoon I cleaned up his high chair after he fed himself whole wheat pancakes and sweet potato and boy, oh boy. What a MESS!

A happy mess.

And while my baby girl can’t leave her baby dolls and pretend baby bottles all over the place, she still managed to make a beautiful mess in her 13 days.

Sometimes this mess is the emails I get from baby lost mamas who have read Jenna’ story and share their own journeys with me.

Sometimes this mess is making a baby lost mama’s blog a beautiful place to write and share her own baby’s story.

Sometimes this mess is taking my Jenna flowers.

Sometimes it’s nothing more than a moment that completely takes my breath away.

Lately this mess is accepting joy and sorrow into one single moment and being okay with this coexistence.

I don’t think I’ll ever finish picking up the pieces to this mess, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

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What about you? What small miracles have you witnessed or felt lately? You can read more about this blog hop here. I hope you’ll join in and share the small moments in your life that bring you hope.

To join in it’s super easy! Just write your post on your blog, copy the link to the post and come back here and click “Click here to enter”. Please be sure to copy the link to your post, not your blog home page. Thanks!

UPDATE: If you have grabbed a button for this blog hop, would you please consider grabbing the button here with the new address since I have switched blogs? I would sooo appreciate it :)

New Designs

If I could call this collection of blog designs anything it would be prettiness. Scroll down to see what I mean :)

This last blog design has a spiffy rotating banner with three different banners. Click F5 to reload the page and a new banner will appear!

Wait list is currently open~ click here for more info.

Wishing you a happy Friday :)

Jenna Journal Update ♥

I don’t want to sound like a cheeseball but I seriously want to cry with happy tears. I just finished counting the journals in hand, and the amount of donations that have been made. It is >>seriously<< overwhelming. In a good way ;)

So you want to know the numbers?

Just now I counted 140 journals sitting in my studio. These are the ones that have been handed to me, mailed to me or purchased a few weekends ago.

I also totaled up the donations made via PayPal and also in person. This number is seriously so awesome. $397 has been raised to date. Is this AWESOME or what?!

It goes without saying that some of the money will go toward the stickers/ labels for the inside of the journals and taxes- but even taking those small portions into consideration, we will still be donating 500+ journals to the NICU on May 5.

Numerous people have mentioned that journals are on their way or soon to be on their way, so there is just no telling how many will be delivered on Jenna’s 2nd birthday. {skips around the living room} :)

We are still taking donations if you would like to help out. For more info on donating journals or monetary please read here.

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The closer May gets to us… the more I have to start thinking about preparing these journals. If you are interested in helping us out, would you let me know? It would totally be an excuse to meet some of you or get together again :) The meeting place will most likely be at my place on a Saturday morning/ afternoon in late April-ish with lots of chocolate, good tunes and a whole pile of journals to go through :)

ps- if you have donated through journals or by giving $ would you pretty please make sure I have included your babies’ name or the person you have donated in honor of at this link? Please leave the name in a comment on that page if I have missed it and I will update it asap :) Thank you!

Blog Design faq {part 3}

I know this stuff is super boring if you’re not interested in bloggy makeovers but for those thinking about it, it may answer some questions you have rolling around in your head. These are questions I get asked a lot, so I hope it helps someone out there :)

Oh, and if there’s anything you can think of feel free to ask it in a comment or shoot me an email. I got a new email by the wayfran@smallbirdstudios {dot} com!

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This is more or less the beginning of me setting some boundaries between my design and personal life. I looooovveee bloggy designing, and feel super blessed to be able to do this every.single.day., but I am also a full time Mommy which comes first :) The bigger my little man gets the more that fear of missing out on something irreplaceable is settling in, ya know? I know all you mamas out there understand! :)

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When do you work on designs and when are you available? I have been tossing the answer to this question in my head for a long time, and finally realized it is impossible to dedicate a certain time slot each day to design, as Bubby’s schedule is constantly changing. So.. my promise to you is you can expect me to respond to any requests/ emails and send design drafts Monday-Friday, and I do my best to respond within 48 hours- usually sooner. The only orders I will be working on during the weekends are rush orders.

When will you start my design? Once your payment is made or deposit made {blogger designs} your name will be added onto the wait list. Once your name is on the wait list you can expect your design to begin in about 1.5~2 weeks, depending on the current wait list. You will be notified if the wait time listed here has been extended.

Ummm… I’d love a new design but don’t a clue where to start? If you use Blogger click here and if you use WordPress click here!

Hope this helps! Happy St. Patty’s Day everyone!

xo