Fragments

I think there should be more hours in a day. Seriously. I miss writing on my blog, I miss reading blogs. As I have recently mentioned I am trying to find time to do… little or next to nothing – just for a short moment each day… but maybe catch up on a blog, or read a book and have a cup of hot tea. That is my new goal :)

When I return to this little space, I feel myself unwind… and relax. A little piece of heaven comes down and I can remember why I’m doing all this in the first place. One thing Carly mentioned on her post the other day was that all the time she pours into her work is the time that would have been all for her son Christian. That is exactly how I feel about this design studio, the hope collages, all of it – this time would have been all hers. I just know Jenna would have been a rambunctious little girl, constantly into something, climbing something, knocking something over… full of life.

As all the dates that we remember her by get closer and closer, I am bombarded with fragments of history. Little pieces of our world from those days and weeks that would mold the rest of our lives.

Some fragments are heavy.

Some are fragile and I dare not push my limit by standing on these too long.

Some fragments are precious, as they all are- but some more precious than others.

Some fragments are like raindrops from heaven. The world I had only read about became so practical. So real. I believed… on a completely different level.

Some fragments are healed.

Some fragments feel unbelievably broken.

Some fragments feel lost.

Some fragments that have revisited my memory these past few days and weeks are still too much.

I welcome all the fragments. I welcome this time of year as a reflection of the events leading up to her birth and death.

Last year the anxiety was crushing. And I think that was the harder than the day itself.

I embrace the pain I will feel.

A mother only grieves because she LOVES so deeply.

- Carly Marie Dudley

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Comments

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    I can relate 100% with this entire post. HUGS fran <3 Sending peace your way.

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    Natasha says:

    This is such a great post Fran….thinking of you today lady….

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    Amy says:

    Hey Francesca, gorgeous post – I can only imagine. xx
    LOVE the pic by the way :) do you sell them or can we just copy? x

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    Deanna says:

    I often get asked, how I do so much (with River’s Rally, the support group, and volunteering at Faith’s Lodge) and I say exactly what you & Carly did…this is time I would have invested into chasing River around, rocking him to sleep, playing in the mud, etc. This is how I am a mother to him still, even though he is not here in my arms, he is still in my heart. It’s really hard to get most people to understand this. We are in a very similar situation this time of year, dealing with birthdays and their deaths at the same time. Thinking of you Franchesca, praying that you have peace knowing your little girl has touched so many lives.

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    Carly Marie says:

    Beautiful post lovely friend.

    What an incredibly life we all live.

    Thinking of your petal tonight x

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    This is such a beautiful post! ((HUGS))

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    Such a beautiful post !! {{HUGS}} <3 <3

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    Poppie Lane says:

    praying for you – I understand. Our first son was supposed to be born on May 2nd… but he died long before that day came. I think it about it all the time right now… he *should* be turning 4 and giving me a run for my money… instead I am taking comfort in the fact that he is safe in heaven and my days are filled with another wonderful boy. (((HUGS)))

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    Mrs. A says:

    Such an amazing post Franchesca! Exactly what I needed to read this evening.

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    Mary says:

    I agree there should be more hours in a day! Your post is so beautiful!! I can say that I am amazed with your talent and how caring you are with everything that you do. The work that you’ve put into your hope collages, blog designs, journal drive, flourish shop and MORE has all been inspired by little Jenna. She is such an amazing little girl and lives through all your hard work and love. Thinking of you friend. May you find peace and comfort through these upcoming days. Sending much love and hugs.

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    Holly says:

    I so agree about the time you spend doing what you do is the time your would have spent with her. I see it that way too.

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