Lately

… my mind feels distracted.

Scattered.

Blessed.

Broken.

My days are filled with party planning.

Tears.

An urge to do absolutely nothing but veg out on the couch, watch a chic flick and eat chocolate.

Baking cupcakes ~ or okay, thinking about it.

Lots and lots of blog and web designing.

Bubby hugs.

Jenna winks.

Target bags.

Journals. Lots and lots of journals.

An ache to hold my baby girl again.

Anxious to celebrate Bubby’s first birthday week.

Scented candles burning almost every evening.

Sweet tunes.

A messy, neglected house due to the abundance of party-planning-errands lately.

A deep, haunting understanding that my grief is a taboo subject IRL. After all it’s been two years, right?

Shameless disregard for the Royal Wedding. Maybe another week it would have been fantastic to watch/ be interested in.

Blowing bubbles in Jenna’s garden.

Watching Bubby pull up by himself.

Thoughts about cloth diapering- I think I may be crazy… ;)

Cherrios and goldfish crackers.

Thoughts about a new grief therapy~inspired project on the horizon in Jenna’s memory. I hope you like it :)

I used to have a lot of questions.

Lately I am mostly filled with wonder…

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Comments

  1. 1
    1

    Everything you feel is okay. I am sending you a big hug. I also have a little gift for you on my blog.

  2. 2
    2
    Becky says:

    I love her gravestone, it is beautiful

  3. 3
    3
    Natasha says:

    Love the picture of Bubby and Jenna :) beautiful!

  4. 4
    4
    Katye says:

    Sending you love and strength. Your grief is not taboo two years means nothing in terms grief.

  5. 5
    5
    Rebecca says:

    All valid feelings, allow yourself to connect to whatever emotions you need to at this time. Grief is a continued journey throughout life. Jenna’s gravestone is so beautiful, love that picture of her and Bubby together! Also we’re planning to cloth diaper…definitely not crazy:) Sending so much love, hope, and strength your way ((hugs))

  6. 6
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    New Year Mum says:

    Such a beautiful photo of your little ones together…. if only grief for the loss of a child were truly recognised IRL. My heart goes out to you and looking forward to hearing about your new project in Jenna’s honour xoxo

  7. 7
    7
    Erin says:

    “A deep, haunting understanding that my grief is a taboo subject IRL. After all it’s been two years, right?”

    I feel the same way, and for me it’s been only 4 months. Don’t they understand, I will ache for years, maybe for the rest of my life? Unless you live with the relentless pain of the absence of a lost child, I don’t think it is possible to understand…

  8. 8
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    Mary says:

    I feel so torn between grief and joy these days as well, with a new baby. Brings up old stuff, and yet reminds you of current blessings. All that, and I don’t have to straddle the two very special days in the same week. Praying strength for you, my friend!

  9. 9
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    Mary says:

    Sending you many many big hugs Fran!!! Thinking of you, Mr. Studmuffin, and Miss Jenna Belle. Sending you much love <3

  10. 10
    10
    Malory says:

    Love to you. xoxo

  11. 11
    11
    Angie says:

    That picture of bubby with his big sissy is ridiculously adorable. I can’t wait to see what you have planned for Jenna’s second birthday.

    I strongly disagree with: “A deep, haunting understanding that my grief is a taboo subject IRL. After all it’s been two years, right?”

    Your daughter is gone. You will grieve her for the rest of your life. No one has the right to take that away from you. xo

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