This and That

This weekend’s been a slow, quiet one for me work-wise, which I have really enjoyed. I am feeling better today, thank you for all your well wishes on the last post :)

I’m still reading this book which just keeps getting better and better. It also made me wonder a few things.

I wonder what Jenna would tell me about her hospital stay. Was she even really there? Or was she looking down on us from Heaven not feeling a thing?

I’ve always struggled with the fear that we put her through so much pain, and for nothing. I mean it was for something… but in the end she still lost her fight.

This book has reconciled some of those fears into realities that God just took care of all that for us. I can only hope.

Sometimes it hits me hard and suddenly that I lost my daughter. I can feel the weight of that loss in a split second and it literally takes my breathe away. I breath a huge, silent sigh. Hold back tears. And move on.

No one ever knows.

Life returns to what our new normal is. This messy, beautiful normal. This life of mystery and questions we’ll never have the answers to. This life of so many unexpected blessings and challenges.

I had a wild amount of chocolate this weekend too, I think it helped me with all the emotional strings pulling on my heart lately.

I watched a graduation tonight and it was beautiful to watch all the seniors and their parents, oh so proud of them. I really enjoyed watching this special group graduate as I have known a few of them since they were kids. And I guess while the pictures of the slideshow were unfolding it hit me all of the sudden that I won’t get this with Jenna. It made me intensely sad for a moment. But it’s just one of those things I didn’t really think about until today. It’s crazy how I can be almost two years post Jenna’s death and still learning about the things we won’t ever get with her. I try not to let those new {and unwelcome} realizations steal my joy at the present moment. I think I’m getting better at it too, by the grace of God.

I am so honored to be a part of a fundraiser for Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep at the Life Rearranged blog!! I will be guest blogging there {aka sharing Jenna’s story!} and doing a little giveaway and the best part is ALL proceeds go to NILMDTS. The blog author, Jeanett has a goal of $2000 and so far she has raised 60%!! We personally did not have the chance to work with NILMDTS during Jenna’s last moments, but I have seen their work and it is painfully beautiful. I hope you will hop over to Jeanett’s blog sometime tomorrow, and even share the link. Anyway, I think you will adore Jeannett’s blog- she is beautiful inside and out, and is driven by passion for what she does.

I apologize for the randomness in this post.. I guess this is my scattered-brain’s way of sorting through everything going on lately. I look forward to a hopefully productive week! Wishing you all a great week too!


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  1. 1
    Caroline says:

    Planning on stoppin by tomorrow and sharing the link. Can’t wait to read it !!

  2. 2
    Jill says:

    I just ordered that book and cannot wait to start reading it! I just have to find the time to read as my days are far from quiet. I too wonder about my babes stay in the NICU and fear that we put them through so much pain. Glad you are feeling better and that chocolate was good medicine :)

  3. 3
    Mary says:

    I’m so glad you are feeling better! Being sick is no fun!

    I had the same feeling yesterday during service. They had a special presentation for the seniors at our church and they were given bibles and some other things. Seeing the slide show with their baby pictures then recent pictures with their names and the name of the University they were attending really made me feel the pain. I realized Olivia would never be honored this way at our church. It was so painful. Hubby and I would like to think she would also be an Aggie like us but would have been happy with any other university for her. Though each day get’s better, it’s just so painful sometimes.

  4. 4
    Wendy Hagen says:

    Thanks for sharing over at Life Rearranged. I have a sweet one in heaven too. And I need to read that book!

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