I don’t usually let myself go there.
You know… the forbidden zone.
It’s truly endless.
But there are times. Oh, the times.
My heart feels that hole.
Very, very real. Despite the fact that I am usually the only one who feels it. I’ve always had quite an imagination, but this is far too real to be imaginative.
I’ve been seeing more of her through our son lately. I sorta feel guilty even saying that, but it’s true.
I get glimpses of her nose, her smile, her cheeky ways.
Not for long these days. I usually just wind up feeling ridiculous crying about it now.
Heaven. It fixes things. But not always. Not always I repeat.
I am a Christian. I believe in Heaven. I believe in a God that makes no mistakes.
But I didn’t want my daughter in Heaven, I wanted her here.
More than two years later when I let myself FEEL again for her loss- even for a moment, the longing has not dulled one bit.
It’s a good place to be momentarily.
To embrace the storm that visited my life.
It’s not a place I dwell for long though.
It will always be there until we meet again.