The Same God

I’m sitting on my sofa tonight, with my little boy just shy of 15 months snoring (yes, he snores) quietly next to me. He usually falls asleep in my arms in the evenings while I sit and watch a movie or television with my hubby. I love it.

He sleeps next to me for a while, and I begin my second ‘shift’ of working and catching up on orders. Many of you know I am a religious night owl. It’s in my blood, I can’t help it.

This little boy brings so much joy into my life. And that’s when the guilt seeps in.

Guilty for wanting more out of life. For being a tad angry at times that I’m missing out on raising my daughter. For avoiding prayer because my heart’s just not in it these days.

I have almost concluded that avoiding God is better than being totally against Him. But that’s no way to live. Not when I really think about it.

When I really think about it…

The God that decided to take Jenna home is the same God that gifted our family with the sweetest boy I’ve ever known. And I’m not just saying that. He’s sweet, like really really sweet.

The God that rocked our world with all the unanswered questions surrounding my pregnancy with Jenna is the same God that allowed my preemie son, born a month early to weigh 7 lbs, 5 ounces. My doctor was ecstatic. A moment I’ll never forget.

The God that let us bury our newborn daughter also allowed us to celebrate Joseph’s first birthday.

The God that watched over Jenna as she fought so hard in the NICU is the same God that watches over our son every night.

I will never, ever understand it, but I do know He’s a good God.

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  1. 1
    Hope says:

    ((hugs)) & i totally get everything you said….that strange dance of grief and gratitude is quite staggering isn’t it? =)

  2. 2
    Caroline says:

    So true Fran. It’s hard sometimes I think Why did all that happen ??? Then I look at my Carly & she helps me get through those tough times. It can’t be fixed ever but that smile , that life & then I think God is Good & he does love all of us.

  3. 3

    yes He is… all the time.

  4. 4
    Amy says:

    That is beautifully said Fran. I am a Christian and my husband is not. He is fully supportive of it all, and even takes Jordan to church while I stay home and relax after a busy week sometimes, but he’ll ask me now and then, how God can let things like famine and natural disasters be so catastrophic. I often respond with “I don’t know, but am trusting Him anyway” – but I might say something like “But look at all the beauty and the miracles in this world!” It’s easy to focus on the bad and forget the good. Good on you for posting this, and I admire you for getting to this place xx

  5. 5
    Holly says:

    yes, He is good

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