One of the most precious gifts we received after losing Jenna was a shadow box of little things we got to keep from her NICU stay.
Things she wore.
I haven’t touched them physically in over 2 years until yesterday afternoon.
The prompt came from Illuminate to explore light in our grief journey and photography.
When I lifted open the shadow box I didn’t feel sad. I was mostly struck with wonder. I kept thinking- Wow, I really had a daughter… So much pink is on this shadow box collage. It’s quite lovely. It makes having a daughter real somehow.
Some of the things she wore were…
prayers of God’s people…
itty, bitty hospital bracelet #1… I actually love that they called her “Babygirl Cox”. Not sure why they did, but again I loved anything that made me feel like a normal mother to a baby girl.
a darling red bow…
hospital bracelet #2…
goggles… (to protect her eyes from the light for jaundice)
I know on your screen this diaper probably looks huge, but it’s not. It’s no bigger than the palm of my hand. And it was big on her.
If I was completely honest I still don’t feel like the fog has completely lifted. I do feel the warmth of the sunshine and healing on most days, but the cloud of doubt, wonder and longing are never too far away. Somehow that makes the sunshine that much sweeter.