I’m actually not sure how to say this without sounding like a broken record.
I miss my daughter, and sometimes the pain is suddenly raw.
Here’s how it plays out…
We’re driving somewhere to go have a good time.
But there’s an ache and you feel like anything could make you cry. You scratch your head (metaphorically) trying to understand why the CRAP you feel like crap. When, you know- you ‘should’ be okay. After all, it’s been X amount of days, weeks, months, years.
But there’s an ache. And it’s real.
The ache is from that hole. It’s kinda like missing an arm or a leg, you can’t NOT notice. You might get used to walking differently, or rearranging lifestyle habits after some time, but you are never ever the same. That part of you, it was never supposed to go away. You were never built to live without it. It was never supposed to be taken.
And when it is, you are left UNDONE.
Sometimes you can deal with it. Sometimes you just can’t breathe.
Today was one of those I’M FREAKIN’ SUFFOCATING days. I hate those days.
And after much scratching my head, I realized
for the bajillionth time that the hole never completely gets filled. It remains open, empty. A place only she was designed to fill.