A Day

A long while back I read this blog post on a blog called The Blue Sparrow. It made quite the impression on me. It was about how she would spend one day with her son, if Heaven could give him back, just for a day though.

So many other baby lost blogging mamas took part in this at the time, and I always meant to. Missing her like crazy these days, I would like to take part in it…

If I had just one day that God would give me back my Jenna, at any age I chose, I would love for her to be four.

She’d be old enough to talk to, dress up. I think she’d be a lot of fun actually.

I think she’d be old enough to see her personality completely taking form. Her likes, dislikes. Her favorite colors, and outfits. Her favorite shoes to wear, and why. Her sassiness, her giggles, her singing.

I’d sneak over to her white daybed, watch her sleeping. I’d breathe. Tell myself over and over I won’t think about tomorrow’s pain when I wake up and she’s not there. I would watch her chest rise and fall, absorbing this miracle of life. I would wake her only after I convince myself to live for today…

Surprisingly, we’d never even have time to think about how long we’ve been apart. Because in her world time didn’t matter, and in mine it was standing still until today.

We’d sit down for cereal and bananas and she’d tell me about her crazy, silly dreams. Or maybe she’d talk about why she likes the rainbow marshmallows the best in the Lucky Charms cereal she’s munching on. She’d sneak silly looks at Bubby, and they’d laugh at each other. For today, life is perfect.

I’d leave the dishes on the table, and we’d wander over to their toys. She’d pick up her baby dolls and we’d play ‘house’ and ‘kitchen’ and anything she wanted… for hours. She’d put Bubby in her pretend stroller and pretend to be a mommy. She might even try to give him a second breakfast which I’m sure he’d love.

After a while we’d go swimming. Because you know, you can’t have a perfect day without it being summer. :)

After a long trip to the pool we’d dry off and head to the ice cream store. If she’s anything like her daddy she’d want cinnamon vanilla with sprinkles on top.

When we got home from the ice cream store it’d be time for Daddy to come home. We’d play some more until he walked through the door, and for the first time ever we’d know what a complete family FEELS like. Pete and I would look at each other exchanging silent words of pain and thankfulness as we hugged on both our kiddos.

She’d bounce off to play some more with her dolls and toys, and I’d half smile, hold back tears and follow her. Not a minute to waste.

We’d play and play and play. In the evening time Pete would take her and Bubby out to the guarded trampoline and they’d have a blast crawling all over him.

The evening would be swallowing up our day by now, and we’d gather in the living room. After Bubby and Daddy fall asleep {because they are both helpless after nine o’clock} Jenna and I would stay up a little while longer watching her princess movies. She would eventually fall asleep in my arms, and I’d know that Heaven would have her back by morning.

More than anything I wanted to know what a normal day with the four of us would be like. Nothing over the top, or spectacular. Just a day in the life at our home. Oh how perfectly she would have fit into our world.

What would one day with your child(ren) be like? I would love to read, if you wish to share.

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  1. 1
    Hope says:

    this brought me to tears xoxo
    Hope recently posted..Small Bird Studios GiveawayMy Profile

  2. 2
    april says:

    this touches my heart so much. I think I will have to do this on my blog too and post what my day with my annabelle would be like! :0)
    april recently posted..Quelf game night!My Profile

  3. 3
    Susie says:

    This made me cry, but it is the perfect day. What would I do if I had my two babies back. I would watch them play together and love them more than I can say.

    Thank you.

  4. 4
    Adrienne says:

    Just reading your account has brought me to a weeping mess. I don’t know that I am strong enough today to indulge in such dreams of my own. Thank you for such a candid post and I respect your ability to reach so deep and be so honest. Hopefully one day I will be able to imagine such glorious things. I miss my Leo so bad these days.

  5. 5
    JessIca says:

    This is so beautiful and I can’t thank you enough for it because I love where it took my thoughts. I think so much of the things I wish Hadley were here for but not enough about how we would spend a day. I would love to see her with her siblings. Since she was a triplet I have always wondered what the dynamics between the three of them would be like, how they would act towards each other. As much as I would want her all to myself I would love to sit back and watch them together.
    JessIca recently posted..Winter SongMy Profile

  6. 6
    Stefanie says:

    Oh Fran I am in tears…just dreaming about the dreams that were suppose to be makes me well up. I love this idea. Definitely something I will post on my blog about. Thank you for bringing in the idea…hugs to you and your family of four.
    Stefanie recently posted..Six Months and Three Weeks…My Profile

  7. 7
    Holly says:

    I remember the post you write of. It touched me too and made me think of what my own day would be like. Such a beautiful day you describe
    Holly recently posted..Christmas giveawaysMy Profile

  8. 8
    Katie Ewing says:

    I love this post! It’s beautiful, and has inspired me to write about a day with my sweet baby girl, too. Thank you for this. Sometimes tears are so welcome.
    Katie Ewing recently posted..One More DayMy Profile

  9. 9
    Kaylie says:

    This is lovely, really wish we could have our perfect days :(
    Lots of kisses to Jenna, and my baby Beau xxx

  10. 10
    Tara Finney says:

    I have often wondered what I would do with such a blessing. Thanks to you, I wrote it down. Thank you for all the inspiration.
    Tara Finney recently posted..A DayMy Profile

  11. 11
    Ashley says:

    It makes my heart race just to think about what I’d do if I could have Erik back for a day. I’d definitely want him to be the age he was when he passed away – 5. He was so much fun and still thought that his Mama was a princess!! I’d spend the day very similarly to what you would do with Jenna. I’d love to see how my girls and Erik would interact with each other. They were only 18 months when he passed away and now they’re 3.5. I know that the 3 of them would have a blast together and if only for a day, my house and heart would be complete again.

    Just thinking about the 5 of us being together again brings tears to my eyes.

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