Filled

Back in December our meeting for the NICU volunteer group got rescheduled at the last minute via a quick phone call while I was standing in the speedy checkout line at Wal-mart. Sorry guys, after publishing my post about ‘today’s the day‘ I felt kinda silly (and dumb) telling you ‘ahem… nevermind! It’s not gonna happen for another month… heehee’.

So I waited for the meeting to happen and BOY did it happen. :)

Oh wow. Well, let’s rewind.

Last Wednesday I left my son with my husband and well- it broke my heart because I see his little face every waking moment but it’s good for him to get in some Daddy time. Turns out he did really well without me.

I spent an hour in traffic, ran a few stoplights and was about 10 minutes late.

I bustled into the right conference room after peeking into the wrong one filled with doctors in scrubs. Oh boy.

 

I knew I was in the right place when I saw normal dressed people though and smiling faces. The minute I sat down it was my turn for introduction. And then it began.

We talked about the group, the projects on the way, and different things concerning the hospital.

The meeting went along just fine and someone said something about needing a photoshop person.

Oooooohhhhh!!!!!!! Pick me! Pick me! Pick me! I was thinking, secretly hoping no one would volunteer for this :) My heart wanted to BURST. No one was speaking up at this point. My heart was jumping up and down (do hearts DO that?) I slipped my head over the table past the person next to me to see the person asking the photoshop question. “Did you say photoshop?”

“YES!!!!”

“I’d LOVE to help!!!! So… sorry… What’s this for again? I was busy looking at the paper being passed around. Is this for that (pointing to the paper) – the Wall of Hope???”

“YES!!!!”

{insert inside happy dance}

The Wall of Hope is a project to inspire hope for new parents of NICU babies. It’s downright beautiful. Honestly throughout the interview process I had heard of this project being underway but I was under the impression that it was done.

It isn’t.

And I am COMPLETELY honored and giddy to be a part of it. The project will be sharing NICU graduates from the hospital – their NICU baby picture, and a picture of them today.

To say that this isn’t a little hard to do would be a lie, but I can’t describe how full my cup feels just being a part of this.

On the way home I was in disbelief, overcome with gratitude, tears, happiness and sorrow – all in a single moment. But it was perfect. I was once again reminded of the beautiful dance of grief and joy. The very likeliness that these two could coexist in a single heart without breaking it completely. Sometimes life is beautiful.

I started thinking of how long I’d been trying to be a part of her hospital, and everything God has brought into my life between then and now.

All the blogs, the beautiful supportive blog friends, some of which I’ve had the honor to meet in real life.

The opportunity to design blogs for these families experiencing loss. The opportunity to learn photoshop at all.

I started realizing that just maybe this has been my ‘training ground’.

I needed time.

Time to write. Time to cry. Time to process and experience all the aspects of grief for the first time.

Time to learn to live with this.

Time to accept the good days and leave that guilt behind.

Time to embrace the sadness.

Time to allow healing.

Just time.

It didn’t feel right NOT being at the hospital after leaving with empty arms, and I know she isn’t there today. But it was her home for a little while, and for that reason it means the world to be active. Give back. Offer hope, because God knows we needed it when we were there.

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Comments

  1. 1
    1
    Caroline says:

    Such a beautiful post & so glad things went sooooo well. {{{Hugs}}}
    Caroline recently posted..Second Quarter AwardsMy Profile

  2. 2
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    Natasha says:

    How amazing Fran! I am so very happy for you- I know you will bless everyone there with your work! And I’m positive Jenna is smiling down on you with so much pride and love ♥♥♥

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    penny says:

    Oh Fran….so happy you’ve been given this opportunity to continue your healing!! I think you are right about your training…..you’ve had the perfect training for this and you are going to make this wall so much better than anyone ever expected because you make beauty!!! <3

  4. 4
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    Congrats! I’m so glad you have a heart to do this very worthy project.

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    Holly says:

    I’m so glad you get to take part in the hospital she stayed. You’ll do a great job!
    Holly recently posted..2011 ornamentsMy Profile

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    Carissa says:

    I don’t know you… and I don’t know your story behind this one… but my goodness, your happiness is literally shining out of my computer screen and I can’t help but smile big and be happy with you! :)

  7. 7
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    Beth says:

    That is AWESOME! Congrats!!! Can’t wait to see how it goes!! I know it’s going to amazing!
    Beth recently posted..Two Months LaterMy Profile

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    Lauren says:

    How amazing! I just found your blog today and already feel like I know you. So glad for this blessing of being able to get involved.
    Lauren recently posted..if you’re not hungry, you will be soonMy Profile

  9. 9
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    I am so happy for you, I know you have been wanting to so something special and what an honor this is. Congrats!!!

  10. 10
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    i am so excited for you!!!

  11. 11
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    Krystle says:

    Amazing. I love this…God is so good

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