Cookies in the Pantry

Dear Bubby…

There is always so much to say to you in these ‘dear bubby’ posts. You are incredible. You are so smart. The other day I was trying to being a multi-tasking mama+blogger+crafter+etc and failing miserably. But that happens ALL the time. :)

I was snapping away at these little canvases and you deserted your beloved cookies to come over and ‘help’. Thank you for making my pictures so much more interesting sweet boy. You put your hand on the right one too.

JOY.

The other day you turned a whopping 20 months. I cringe, once again at the thought of you getting older. I remember holding you as a tiny, tiny baby. At one point- believe it or not- you were this tiny baby. A big preemie, but still small. Now you’re walking, running, stuffing cookies in your cookie monster toy and stealing cell phones any chance you get. You’re too awesome for words.

Just last night you were pretending to be King of the Dirt Mountain. You rocked it too, with dirt on your pants, shirt and stuffed underneath your little fingernails.

I ordered a dozen or so prints of Jenna’s pictures from my friend Carly at Sam’s the other day. You were on cloud nine hundred just being able to walk like a big boy around the store. You are getting a little too heavy to carry (~30lbs). As we were waiting for the pictures to develop, you were catching attention of the passing shoppers. The big ol’ grin you were wearing was ridiculous but so sooo cute.

Recently, your Daddy (God bless his heart) taught you how to kiss yourself in the mirror. It kinda scared me, but I have to admit it was HILAriOUS watching you. You are a complete mess, just like your Daddy. He laughed hysterically, you giggled and I had to laugh.

You don’t know much about it now, but your “New Year’s resolution” was to give up your paci. So far you’ve done pretty awesome. Minus the waking-up-after-naptime-part… even Mommy misses your paci then!

Funny story. Once again I was trying to pull a superwoman and do more than one thing at once. I suddenly heard a noise from the pantry…

I look over at the pantry, which is shut closed. But there are some cookies on the floor near the pantry door.

I open it up, and find you…. standing up with animal crackers sprawled all over the the floor… eating cookies in the dark!

This still makes me laugh.

Wanna know the funniest part? You had cookies. The same exact ones on the table in the living room- a few feet away. I guess they’re just better out of the bag, right?

Illusion of Time

I struggle with the concept of time.

We were watching a re-run of Bones. (Oh, how I’ve grown to love Bones – at first she just down right annoyed me.)

It was a more recent episode. Booth’s real dad had died. He was experiencing mixed emotions because his father left him when he was a child and he never really knew him.

Bones, being Bones, whipped out a brainy response – something about quantum physics. But what she said actually made me think.

It gave me perspective.

She said that quantum physics scientists have theorized that time is an illusion, and that it doesn’t happen in a linear pattern. She was trying to help Booth, by trying to help him focus on the good memories he had with his dad.

She said that those moments, those good memories are always happening… according to this theory of time not being linear.

It’s a stretch for me to think of time that way. It makes my brain hurt, but it also reminded me that time IS an illusion of sorts.

Time is what makes this whole grief thing hard work. Every minute, hour, week, month, year that passes makes that whole in my heart larger and larger. Filled with empty memories that should have been made with her.

But this thought – this truth that time is only meant for us brings me so much comfort. I believe that time is irrelevant in Heaven, and when I get there I’ll have the sweet privilege of raising Jenna in Heaven.

Oh time.

When I think about this whole grief journey as a simple waiting game, it makes me smile. It will all be worth it in the end. Heaven is real.

Driving with my mom yesterday I spotted a giant heart in the sky. It was one of those had-to-be-there moments, but my mom saw it too. Maybe you can make it out? The heart is tilted to the left, and there is another cloud right under it.

But, beloved, be not ignorant of this one thing, that one day is with the Lord as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day.

-2 Peter 3:8

Wendy Layne Giveaway

Hello lovelies! I think you might LURVE this shop. Wendy’s pieces are not only SERIOUSLY gorgeous, they carry unique messages of love and support after losing a child… and a grandchild. They are so, so needed. I was impressed that Wendy is a grieving grandmother, doing all of this in her precious grandson’s memory.

In her own words, she shares a little of her story and what has inspired her…

I lost my first grandchild, my newborn grandson on July 5, 2011 due to an umbilical cord accident. My heart has been broken. So I’ve been spending my time being as creative as possible. I’ve created many varieties of heart pendants, some steampunk style that include gears and parts of vintage timepieces, others are more delicate and include charms like angel wings, or crosses.

Many have specially chosen words to express the stages of grief that my daughter and I and the rest of the family have experienced along this difficult journey. The words are chosen and cut from vintage magazines from the 30′s through the 60′s to add a bit of nostalgia to each piece. I really feel that with each handcrafted heart that I make a little piece of the love I have for my little grandson lovingly referred to as “baby Marc” continues to grow, and each time I ship one of these hearts to the appreciative hands of another.. his love spreads and brings joy and comfort to others.

My artwork has always been an outlet for my emotions and lately I’ve been flooded with so many of them.. from the loss of baby Marc, and the loss of my other daughters unborn baby in 2011 at only about 5 weeks pregnant, to the joy of hearing that both of my grown daughters are now expecting again in 2012. It’s nice to be able to express my sadness and my joy through creativity. You can read my letter to baby Marc and see the dedication video to him at pillowtalk.wendylayne.com/?p=236

10% of the proceeds for sales from my “Mending Broken Hearts” collection will be donated to M.E.N.D.

M.E.N.D. (Mommies Enduring Neonatal Death) is a Christian, non-profit organization that reaches out to families who have suffered the loss of a baby through miscarriage, stillbirth, or early infant death. They have been an important part of our lives and a tremendous support system since the loss of our precious baby Marc.

Isn’t she AMAZING!!!?

Today Wendy is giving away this piece below, from her collection “Mending Broken Hearts”… to one lucky reader!

To enter the giveaway you must be a follower of this blog. 

Visit Wendy’s shop and come back and share your favorite piece(s) in a comment.

For additional, optional entries share this giveaway post on facebook, twitter or a blog post (please leave a separate comment for each entry).

A winner will be announced in a few days :)

THIS GIVEAWAY IS NOW CLOSED

XO

First Moments

Well this year started off with a big ol’ bang! It feels like there is already so much to do this year, but it’s mostly things I’m ESCTATIC about!! Like the getting to do some art, opening an etsy shop again, organizing some blog design classes, and best of all- finally making a memory board for our Jenna Belle to display in our house! More on this soooooon! :)

Have you seen Carly’s latest sand drawing, the peace dove? She emailed me a few days ago with the sweetest surprise…

Seriously, her drawings always amaze me. But this one just takes the cake.

These past few days I’ve been taking it easy, and it’s been oh, so nice :) I am going to try to make a conscious choice just not to work on weekends, especially Sundays. Working from home makes it all too easy to slip open my laptop, get to emailing and before I know it, I’m working. I love my work, but I am so afraid of losing precious time as our son gets bigger and bigger. There are moments every day I wish I could f.r.e.e.z.e. and capture for eternity.

Like when he gives me kisses, and then claps his chubby little hands…

or when he brings me the curious george book for the hundredth time, and motions for me to sit him on my lap and read…

or when he’s sleeping and he looks like the cutest angel that ever lived…

or when he shouts BU-BYE! with a big smile and shuts the door…

These moments.

Don’t forget to make time for the things you love to do this year, but especially for the people that matter most.

Life is so short.

And so precious.