Picking Up the Pieces

I used to think picking up the pieces meant being ‘spiritual’.

I used to think picking up the pieces meant getting over it. That didn’t last long. There is no ‘getting over it’.

I used to think that picking up the pieces meant that they wouldn’t fall again.

Instead of beating myself up that none of the above have resonated with me at all or for very long, I decide to share what picking up the pieces looks like in my life.

Picking up the pieces is crying when tears come to your eyes.

Picking up the pieces is visiting the cemetery as often or as infrequent as you need to.

Picking up the pieces is realizing you cannot measure your love for her by what you do or don’t do.

Picking up the pieces is believing you did everything you could.

Picking up the pieces is blasting Van Morrison or the Beach Boys when you just don’t want to cry.

Picking up the pieces is never forgetting what a beautiful friend Pete has become.

Picking up the pieces is squeezing that little boy as tight as I can. Every day.

Picking up the pieces is taking time for myself.

Picking up the pieces is finding something to be thankful for, even if that means thanking God for the gas that’s in the tank to take you to the grocery store.

Picking up the pieces is lighting her candle, playing her song, giving her time when I need it.

Picking up the pieces is understanding THIS is only the beginning.

Picking up the pieces using this to help someone.

Picking up the pieces is throwing that mask away, and only wearing it with caution.

Picking up the pieces is looking at someone else’s broken heart or situation. Someone always has it worse. Always.

Picking up the pieces is taking risks.

Picking up the pieces is dancing your heart away.

Picking up the pieces is taking a canvas and throwing paint at it til your hands hurt.

Picking up the pieces is breaking dishes, slamming the door or screaming as loud as you can.

Picking up the pieces is being okay with disappointing some people. You will never please everyone.

Picking up the pieces is being okay that the old Fran is gone forever.

Picking up the pieces is embracing the ugly side of grief.

What does picking up the pieces look like to you?

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Comments

  1. 1
    1
    Anne says:

    Picking up the pieces means it’s OK to feel happy and laugh again.

    Picking up the pieces is knowing it’s OK to think ahead to the future…and to be scared and hopeful of it at the same time.

    Picking up the pieces is being thankful for the gift of Wren and Noah.

  2. 2
    2

    Picking up the pieces is acknowledging the bad days and enjoying the good ones.
    Picking up the pieces is putting regret aside.
    Picking up the pieces living for them in a way that makes them smile.
    Picking up the pieces is living in Hope.
    Stephanie Desjarlais recently posted..I pray the Lord my soul to takeMy Profile

  3. 3
    3
    Ashley says:

    Picking up the pieces for me looks almost the way that you’re picking up the pieces. I’ve learned that it’s ok to cry and be angry and be happy. I’ve learned that I’m never going to be the mother to my girls that I was to my son and I’ve stopped trying to give them that person because she doesn’t exist anymore. I’ve learned that going to therapy is also ok and what I need to heal.

  4. 4
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    Lindsay says:

    Picking up the pieces for me has been saying what I need to say, crying when i need to, reflecting and learning, and molding my life to be one of purpose, goodwill, and fun. It’s never easy, but it gets better. Everything in its time. Life is too beautiful to miss out on.
    Lindsay recently posted..Oh, How Pinteresting! #5: Leap EditionMy Profile

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    Karin says:

    Picking up the pieces means allowing me to be sad, happy, angry, worried, sad again, unreasonable, hopeful. It means allowing me to be.. me.

    Picking up the pieces means forgiving myself.
    Karin recently posted..The light is comingMy Profile

  6. 6
    6
    Jennifer says:

    picking up the pieces is admitting that this grief journey is more than i can handle on my own and seeking the help i need to survive this thing.

    5 years surviving the stillbirth of my first son and next two pregnancy losses and every day it’s a new me – some are better than others but they are all me. the worst of my grief is still me, the best of my love is still me. all i can do is go on, love when i can, cry when i need and hug my living children as tight as i can.

  7. 7
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    Kimberly says:

    Picking up the pieces is having hope for the future- believing that I will hold a living breathing baby in my arms and at the same time realizing that I will never stop missing my twins.

    Picking up the pieces is allowing myself to cry and be sad but doing whatever I need to do to get myself out of bed and doing something, anything besides hiding from the world all day.

    Picking up the pieces is talking about my boys with a smile on my face, being happy that they are mine and that they lived.

    Picking up the pieces is realizing that people don’t know what to say, that this whole situation is different and when people are awkward or say things that hurt I can choose to forgive them because they really don’t know. And I don’t want them to know.

    Picking up the pieces is loving my husband with all of my heart. Because he is here. He gave me my perfect babies and I can show love to them by being a better wife.

  8. 8
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    Kimberly says:

    I wrote my blog down wrong ;) this one has the correct link. . .

  9. 9
    9
    Beth says:

    Picking up the pieces is…
    …believing that God is still good, and loving, and in control
    …still loving, when I now know how much of a risk that is
    …not saying “I’m okay” when it’s not true
    …entering into other people’s stories
    …letting my heart be chanced for the better by this
    …finding opportunities for gratitude among the ruins
    …becoming more emotional about everything (the good and the bad)
    …going to bed to cry when I need to
    …being joyful when I feel it
    …not letting society’s conventions force me to pretend that OI don’t have a daughter
    …not being ashamed of grief, but instead seeing it as it really is — an outpouring of love for a precious one lost
    Beth recently posted..Naming EveMy Profile

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    Stephanie says:

    Picking up the pieces means stepping outside of my comfort zone and being determined to make a difference for all those families that will forever walk in our footsteps.

    Love your heart Fran! So glad you are in my life!
    Stephanie recently posted..Blissfully BrokenMy Profile

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    amy ramirez, Nevaeh's mommy says:

    Picking up the pieces one moment at a time….

  12. 12
    12
    danielle says:

    Picking up the pieces means choosing to be open to love from others even when you feel like a burden.
    Beautiful post Francesca, thank you for sharing your heart.

  13. 13
    13
    DeborahJoy says:

    Gosh, I had to take a couple of days to wait and let your post sink in properly before responding…… it was one of those ‘key in the lock’ posts that just opened up a whole lot of feelings for me…. thank you for sharing.
    I would say ‘yes’ and ‘amen’ to all the things on your list of what picking up the pieces looks like.
    It’s just so sad, isn’t it?
    DeborahJoy recently posted..following instructionsMy Profile

  14. 14
    14

    I love your writing. It is very inspiring. Found you through the Wiegands today and happy I did….

  15. 15
    15
    Casey B says:

    Hi, Franchesca.

    I absolutely love this post. I wouldn’t have known about it if not for Marty Tousley’s link appearing in my Twitter feed. You propose a very interesting exercise in thinking about what picking up the pieces is like for us. Although I am now primarily grieving the loss of a friend I never physically met, it feels very, very real. The fifth anniversary is just around the corner, and I’m dreading it. But…what is picking up the pieces for me?

    Picking up the pieces is blogging to help me understand my own experience, and thereby helping others who have had similar experiences.
    Picking up the pieces is folding paper into origami cranes.
    Picking up the pieces is acknowledging somewhere within me that even though my faith has been shaken by the more recent loss, I still believe that one day I will see Chris again.

    I shall return to your blog in the future.

    Best wishes,

    Casey
    Casey B recently posted..I’m no Shakespeare, but…My Profile

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