It was one of those days.
One of those days that seems to be whizzing by in a blur.
Pounding headache, and skipped meals (mine, not Bubby’s ;)
Traffic. Oh, the traffic.
And summer is taking over our spring here. Hey, I love summer, but on one of ‘those days’ the summer heat just adds to the list right?
I was throwing things in the basket at Kroger while trying to keep Bubby from spilling his cup of water on the tile floor.
Zipping through grocery lanes and dying for a chance to remember what I needed. This headache was bad ya’ll.
Whenever Bubby sees balloons in the store he points and loudly says “Moooon!” (on repeat until I acknowledge him, should I add)
I looked over and as I was contemplating grabbing some tulips for Easter I spotted the balloons he had his eyes fixed on.
Suddenly my train of thought shifted.
I can’t remember the last time I went to see Jenna. It’s been a while.
I grabbed the balloon without hesitating, smiling at her little brother.
“It’s for Jenna.”
He bounced it around as much he could sitting in the grocery cart.
I remember glancing at the price of the balloon.
I cringed thinking of how much that was for a balloon. But it’s different.
I get sad when I think about how little I spend on her.
I wanted to give her the world. You can ask anyone that knew me when I was growing and pregnant with her.
I had big plans to learn French, and teach it to her (silly now). Buy her all the beautiful dresses I could get my hands on, decorate her room with vintage greens and fuchsia. She would have had the coolest paper-butterfly-filled nursery ever. She would have had the world.
But she got heaven instead.
And that’s not such a bad thing. Not when you really think about it. If you just read my petty list of things I could have given her, they really don’t compare to what she’s enjoying in Heaven. But it doesn’t change how shallow it feels to be spending $2.49 on a balloon for her.
That’s when I must take a fistful of faith and remember that my love is not measured by the dollars I spend on her. A part of my heart went with her. That is the biggest gift I could ever give her.
Her birthday is one month from today (april 5). It’s Emotion Highway from here until the end of May!