I am completely honored to have Casey here today, guest posting about pregnancy after loss. If you’ve followed me for any amount of time you probably get tired of me telling you how much I look up to her as a blogger/ mama/ artist. I love her heart for Jesus, her heartfelt and completely vulnerable posts, and her willingness to be OPEN about this.
Pregnancy after loss is hard stuff.
If you’ve never been to her blog, you might want to grab a cup of coffee and stay a while.
I have gotten quite a few emails asking me how I deal with the fear of being pregnant again after miscarriage. Well- I will be honest, for me..at times…it is paralyzing. I understand that many women deal with fear in pregnancy but when you have walked through a miscarriage or a loss, thought everything was great and have been blind sited…. it has the potential to really mess with you.
I have my *almost* 13 week sono tomorrow (Friday) and this is the one everything went wrong at last time.
So being that I am terrified….I thought a perfect opportunity to tell you that I take it day by day.
I have fully prepared myself to walk in that sono tomorrow and see a little baby with no heartbeat. A beautiful little soul with hands and feet, just like last time.
No warning signs.
But you know what that is doing? It’s robbing me of my joy…my excitement for this beautiful life growing in me.
So I am choosing to fight it.
I had no signs of anything being wrong…. morning sickness was still there, no cramping, no nothing….just went in for a check up- no heartbeat and the baby had stopped growing 2 weeks before.
I have rested a lot over the past 3 months on Romans 8:28.
I know He has purpose in even the things I cannot understand.
I have to believe that and rest in that.
No one single event in my life (until now) can instantly bring me to tears like when I think of that child in heaven waiting for me. When I imagine him standing by the gate, with a huge grin… wavy golden hair and big blue eyes. Me seeing him and instantly knowing who he is…and then running to him, squeezing so tight.
There is nothing like it, truly.
You might also like:
Some things I wish I could whisper to Heaven
How They Will Remember Me
Remembrance and Hope (a guest post)
Ahh… this warms and breaks my heart. The love you have is amazing Casey, but my heart is broken and scared because I know I will feel the same. You took the words out of my mouth. Everything is perfect and then you’re blind sided out of no where with something tragic. My thoughts and prayers are with you, stay strong <#
Stephine recently posted..Surprise Giveaway!
Love this. This is exactly where I am. I’m 16 weeks pregnant with my rainbow after my first pregnancy ended in a stillbirth at 39 weeks due to a cord accident at 38 weeks. It is defiantly a journey of choosing to hope and reliance on God. I love my son and have actually come to a place where I can tank God that he is in heaven but I don’t want to have to thank God for another child in heaven. I’d rather thank God for a child on earth.
Megan recently posted..A small Peach
Been there done that with 2 back to back MC BUT God knows your hearts desire & keep praying don’t you dare allow Satan to steal your joy!
This helped me
Faith is NOT believing that God can, it’s KNOWING He will.
Hold on to that & know that you are a strong woman, you’re a mother of an angel.
I had such a difficult time with my pregnancy after the loss of our daughter. I was so petrified of losing the baby that I robbed myself of so much joy. He is now a healthy, happy 2 year old and I soak up every day with him and try to make up for the pregnancy I struggled to enjoy.
Jessica recently posted..Imperfectly Complete
heartwarming and hearbreaking at the same time. We’re going through the same thing now. After loosing Parker after 3 days of life, my wife is pregnant. She’s 10 weeks. Everyday i think of how everything was so perfect, and then not. But, I keep reminding myself to choose happiniess, to choose hope.
A beautiful post. Casey, everything you write is so filled with love and hope. I will be keeping you in my thoughts. A little child deserves to join your family. You have so much to give. xx
Karin recently posted..To Dance in the clouds
If I am ever lucky enough to get pregnant again I hope I can be as strong as you. You are an inspiration to all those facing this scary journey after losing a child. I really hope and pray you get your happy ending xx
Claire recently posted..Sometimes…..
Its a heartbreaking post.If my wife got pregnant again for 3rd time I’ll cherish it and I’ll support her that she will be strong as you are.
mark recently posted..Business Logo Disposable Coffee Cups
Thank you. I needed this today.
Beth recently posted..Why I am Still Believing God This Easter
Preparing myself to journey down this path…and refusing to let fear overcome me!
Elizabeth recently posted..6 months along…but not