… it felt like yesterday.
I was alone in the truck, retreating from so many mixed emotions that flooded my soul after the NICU volunteer meeting.
Don’t think for a second I don’t want to be a part of it. I knew there would be days like this.
But I also haven’t had a day like this in a long, long time.
There is a sacredness in tears.
I really believe that.
It somehow unites the world with the expression of your heart.
It is healing.
But so draining.
Last night I got 2 text messages and one message on facebook about three different heart-wrentching situations.
Everyday there is somebody whose world is being rocked to the core.
Saying goodbye to their teenage soon, battling a possible life-threatening disease, experiencing an extremely difficult pregnancy situation.
Life is hard.
My heart hurts for the people that I love. This world doesn’t make sense.
As I drove home, looking like a crazy woman with a pitiful display of mascara-stained cheeks, there was a whisper that only Heaven could give.
She is alive.
She is alive and well.
As much as this separation from her hurts, that helped me. To remember that even though we visit her at the grave, she is NOT there.
She is long gone. Far from pain, hurt and questions.
And if she could tell me one thing, I believe it would be just that.
I’m alive mama. Don’t cry.
linking up with Tesha.
I am so happy for you that you are finding peace in the knowledge that she is in a better place and in a lot less pain. Big Hugs Honey! The loss never gets easier, we just get stronger by their rays of sunshine…
That happened to me not to long after my first born was stillborn. I was praying to be blessed with a child who was alive when the time was right. And a small voice whispered “Alexander is alive” so now when I pray for my rainbow (18 weeks pg now) I pray to be blessed with a child to raise on earth. Our babies are alive and that is the best knowledge ever.
{{{hugs}}} I know what you mean. Praise God for that Hope we have, though the days are still tough at times. Thank you for your words. <3
Jenn recently posted..Bittersweet
I needed this tonight….thank you. he is alive…
Trisha recently posted..Healing in the Pit
Oh I agree with every word. My heart hurts for so many. I got a call asking advice last week, it made me wonder a) how did I get here, b) how do people think I can help & c) did I do them any good? Then I remember that the answer to all of these is simple: River! It’s hard to believe it’s been 3 years … time stands still & flies by all at once! Many hugs to you, dear friend!
PS I agree about the tears, they have to come out in order to heal.
Love you sister…..
Understand where you coming from with the ‘she is alive and well’ because I have experienced similar (: Sweet words as usual.
Nicole recently posted..let it out ; let it go
I think that Carleigh would say something like that in times I’m feeling sad. “Why are you so sad, mom? I’m ok!!”
Holly recently posted..A sweet charm from a friend
That’s so true, those are such comforting words aren’t they? I’m alive mama, don’t cry,. I remember tears streaming down my face at church early in my pregnancy with Ben (rainbow) when we were singing “You Alone” by David Crowder. At one point it just says “I’m alive, I’m alive, I’m alive, I”m alive…” and it was like Eliana was singing it down to me, the Benjamin was singing it from the womb, and then I was able to sing it as well, even though there were days early on I hardly felt alive. Each of our babies are alive, and we as well, only because of the cros, and the fact that He is alive! It brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it!
By the way, I loooove your ring!! Hugs to you!
I had one of those days Friday. It was so bad that I told my teenage son that I was a mess when I picked up from school. I started sobbing that I was a failure of a mom and was just so sad. Nothing like having a fifteen year old console you and tell you that you are great. I composed myself in time to pick up the younger ones from school. And then my nine year old came down with a drawing (not knowing all the crying I had done) of a picture of his baby sister in a field with a butterfly on her hand.
I am so sorry to hear about your friends. I think things like that bring it all flooding at one time. For me, I hadn’t cried like that in a long while. I am tired today, but I feel so less pressure on my chest!
Heidi @ Buttons and Butterflies recently posted..Contest?
Thank you for the Beautiful comforting words. It breaks my heart to read others stories also, I am so thankful that we have each other for engorgement! I so appreciate you.
Tesha recently posted..Bereaved mommies LINK-UP and 3 months without Jonathan
Visiting from Tesha’s link up!
(((hugs)))