Guest Post {eat.live.make.}

I have been so blessed by Meghan and her blog, eat.live.make., and honored to have her sharing something so personal, beautiful and inspiring here today on loss. I hope you get a chance to read her words. They had me in tears by the end. In a good way :)

Hello beautiful readers of Small Bird Studios! My name is Meghan, and I blog over at Eat.Live.Make.

At first, my blog started as a journal chronicling my journey with celiac’s disease. But, after our first miscarriage, God has allowed me to connect with so many women {through the blog world}  who share stories of loss and infertility. Their honest stories have helped me in my journey of healing.

I hope my story can somehow help you in your journey as well.

I am so thankful for the honesty Fran has in her journey on her blog. I am so blessed by her words, and thankful to be able to share my story!

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My journey started with a diagnosis of Endometriosis. After my surgery I was given two options:
1. strong doses of hormones in my system (who wants that?)

2. get pregnant right away- because that is the best chance I have of conceiving and eliminating infertility and pain for several years.

After a lot of prayer, my husband and I decided we would try to conceive. And God was faithful to allow our hearts to be open to bringing another member of our family into this world.

We tried for around 8-9 months without any luck, and much heartache.

In November of last year we were able to conceive, and tested positive a week before Christmas, and two days before my new nephew was born.

We were so excited, we told a few friends and family members on Christmas day.

We lost the pregnancy on January 1st.

It was painful, so painful physically. And shattering emotionally.

I was told to keep trying, so we did. And lost our second pregnancy in April.

I am still tender, and still heartbroken. Sometimes grief wells up inside me so strong I don’t think I can bear it. And sometimes I am numb.

I never know when it will strike.

But I welcome it.. I welcome it to remember and to grieve the loss of my children that I never got to see or hold.

But God has a way of redeeming our hearts from broken and ashen places. He has opened me up to a beautiful community of women who share stories that are similar, yet so different than mine.

He is continually showing me that His ways are Higher than my ways, and that He has triumphed over this fallen world.

He is fighting for my heart.

I am learning to trust in the unknown.

Will I be able to bear children? Will we have a the family of blonde haired, blue eyed children I dream of? 

But I know that if I can’t, and if we don’t, whatever He has for me is beautiful.

And in all of this, in all of the hurt and the unknown and grief, I long for heaven.

I long for the day when I can hug and hold and laugh with my children.

And I am so thankful (and quite jealous) that they get to glimpse heaven before me.

I hope they know that I love them with a mother’s love, and that I carry them with me always.

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Comments

  1. 1
    1
    Beth says:

    This. Oh, this: “He is fighting for my heart.”

    Yes. Yes and yes and yes. Thank you.
    Beth recently posted..Mother’s DayMy Profile

  2. 2
    2

    Beautiful… Thank you for sharing your heart!

  3. 3
    3

    So so sorry for your losses.

    We lost a baby at ten weeks to a missed miscarriage.

    Thank you for sharing your story and your faith.
    Jennifer LeBlanc recently posted..The Friend in My PocketMy Profile

  4. 4
    4
    Tesha says:

    Wonderful Beautiful post!
    Tesha recently posted..A Refuge in Times of TroubleMy Profile

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