If you are visiting for the first time, I am almost certain the first thing you will do is click to see what this blog’s all about. Who she is. And what in the world I am talking about when I say ‘beautiful mess’.
I am not the she.
And when you realize the she is a dead baby girl, you might be appalled (unless of course you walk this road with me and know what the pain of losing a child feels like, or know someone very close to you who does). You might click away, because it is too much.
But if you click away before reading a little, you will miss a few things…
that healing is REAL…
how faith becomes stronger out of sheer desperation…
that everything, everything changes after saying goodbye…
that you can embrace your plan b – whatever it is…
and realize you are picking up the pieces to this mess everyday…
I have had a few people tell me that my blog is sad to them, almost in a way that it makes them uncomfortable. I’ve even had people tell me they hate my blog.
Hate is a strong word.
If you have children, and have never had to bury one of them, losing a child is the furthest thing from your mind, and something you are convinced will be the end of you if you ever had to.
And it is unimaginable. But the truth is, it happens more often than you think.
When I lost my daughter, I made a pact that I would never let her memory fade. She was incredible, and I wanted the world to know it.
Aside from that, I was in shock that other women had done this… and survived.
This blog is for them. And for my son.
When you visit this blog, I hope you don’t walk away sad, in tears or in shock. My true hope is to share the audacity of hope in the face of grief. Because something about being so close to death, makes life so very precious. It is almost like being reborn. And you are never the same.
It hurts my heart to hear things like that, but honestly it won’t change my writing. After all, this is my blog.
And I feel strongly about being open and honest about real life. This is my life. And leaving the ‘sad’ parts out of this blog would be sharing a half truth… a lie.
To you it might be sad, but to me, it is a dare to live my life to the fullest.