Steph and I were joking about being in this cocoon, away from the internet. I promise you, these days I spend about a fraction of the time online that I used to. Somehow work is still going great. I think it’s promoting all of it that is suffering, but I won’t ever get these days back to grow this sweet baby, so I’m not sweating it a bit. Promoting the magazine, artwork, etc… it can be put on hold for this short while.
Not only that, but did I mention that potty training is in full swing? It’s a royal disaster, but we’re taking it one day at a time :) Oh, and you moms of boys- I am all ears. What worked/ didn’t work for you? We are on day #2 and I’m already pooped out. No pun intended.
And my sweet Jenna. Lately the skies have been filled with soft golden yellows. I miss the pink and purple ones. Those sunsets make me feel so close to her, and not seeing one in a while just makes my heart ache a little more. Maybe God is just mixing up those pink and purple paints right now. I’m sure one will come again soon enough.
In the morning we have our second doctor’s appointment. Dear God, please let me see or hear a heartbeat. The first time I heard my own baby’s heartbeat that pregnancy with Jenna became real. Tears rolled down my face. Life is such a beautiful gift, and we get to live it… everyday.
We were fortunate enough to see the heartbeat last time, but something about the days in between appointments are tough… especially the further away I get from that point of certainty. Ultimately, I’ve decided I was never intended to carry this load of worry. God knows it all. And I am feeling more keen on trusting him with this baby somehow. It is a little easier to trust that he will let this one make it. I don’t know. When I say it like that it sounds like he was somehow against Jenna making it, but I don’t know how else to put it. He let us take this sweet boy home, and watch him grow into this amazing two year old – full of sentences, adventure and mischief.
Something I took away from the retreat was that he really is for us.