Sky Lanterns and Baby Update

Oh goodness. How have I not seen Tangled before today? The whole lantern scene had me balling. It made me long to do something just like it for Jenna. But honestly her birthday is too far away, so I think I’m going to do something on her due date. The day that should have been surrounded by so much love, instead of so much emptiness.

That day usually doesn’t mean a whole lot to me now, three years out. It hurts. Actually it stings when I let myself dwell on it, but it’s not nearly as special as her birthday, and her death date.

Sky lanterns. I think we will be doing them on July 21. Instead of it being another stupid, empty reminder, I want to release a few up to Heaven in thanks. I am so thankful for her life. I have this board in my laundry room (of all rooms, I know), that says “Smile because she LIVED.”

I usually don’t think twice about it while I shuffle in laundry… possibly the worst and most hated chore around this house. But today I did. It made me smile for real.

So the lanterns will be an open smile. And honestly they are just so beautiful, I have to try them.

In other news, Baby is doing beautifully. We are definitely keeping the due date Feb 2, according to Dr. A. She has been so optimistic about this whole pregnancy, it makes me almost feel like a normal pregnant lady. I asked her if she was aiming for 36 weeks like she was with Bubby (complicated situation, you might remember if you have read this blog for a while). Her words… “we are going for the gold!”

Yessss!!!! That was like MUSIC to my ears. :)

Maybe it has something to do with the fact that we waited and my body got to heal up. Now I am curious if she might let me have a VBAC. Hubby doesn’t think so, but I am at least going to ask. Something about not getting to have a child naturally makes me feel cheated (?) for lack of a better word. More than that though. Like I am the one that is cheating, getting out of the child birth experience. To some that might sounds crazy! It’s okay. I feel crazy for even thinking that, but I hear about all these natural birth experiences, and I want to feel that sort of accomplishment. Of course, more than ANYTHING I want a baby… safe and alive. So forgive me while I ramble about things that really are first world problems.

Safe & alive. Really, that is all I am praying and hoping for. The rest, well, it really doesn’t matter at the end of the day. I guess I just had to get it out.

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  1. 1
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    Nicole says:

    GLAD to see the little one is doing great! I remember my first ultrasound which was at 10 weeks. Tears and pure joy.

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    angie says:

    I am so happy you are having your rainbow. I’m only 9 months into the grieving process and being 18 weeks pregnant with our babe has me on an emotional roller coaster all the time. You are right about the tangled movie, that scene gets me every time. Well everything gets me.. Best of luck to you sweetie (hugs) angie

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    I ordered a sky lantern and will be releasing mine on July 21st also. It will be my son’s 1st birthday in Heaven. He was born July 21, 2011 at 2:32am.
    Crystal Stephens recently posted..WeightMy Profile

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    jessi says:

    There is nothing crazy about wanting a natural vbac!!!! You deserve the chance to have a natural birth. I hope your doctor will work with you.
    jessi recently posted..our last meal in Texas: bbq of course!My Profile

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    Heather says:

    I think you should totally go for the VBAC! There is nothing like giving birth to a baby and feeling every thing your body is doing. It is really an amazing feeling. Just to feel your body help your baby into the world, awesome. I’m glad that baby (I keep wanting to say “she”…maybe it’s a girl?!) is doing good inside!

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    Stefanie says:

    So glad to hear baby is doing good! And I’m glad to hear you’ve seen Tangled! A definite must see. It is a weekly movie in our house. Best of luck to you with the lanterns. I can’t wait to hear all about it.
    Stefanie recently posted..The UnknownMy Profile

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    Ashley says:

    I LOVE the sky lanterns! We did them for Erik’s birthday last year. Plan doing them along with glo-loons this year.

    And yay for healthy babies and a “boring” pregnancy!
    Ashley recently posted..Midweek RandomsMy Profile

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    Jenn says:

    It’s funny you mentioned the sky lanterns for Jenna’s birthday, I just blogged about this recently. I’m doing them for Noah’s birthday and including other baby’s names as a way to celebrate them too. Let me know if you’d like to include Jenna’s name. :) http://treasuringlifesblessings.blogspot.com/2012/06/countdown-is-on.html
    Jenn recently posted..This and that plus a giveawayMy Profile

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    Jenn says:

    Oops, I hit enter before I was done. Glad to hear baby is doing well and things look great. Definitely ask about the VBAC. Prayers for a continued uneventful pregnancy & healthy baby! (((hugs)))

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    Debby Pucci says:

    Tangled…..one of my all time favorites! I watch it all the time.
    Here I am at 60 and I can tell you that I still wish I could have experienced a vaginal birth.
    Both of my children were c-sections.
    I don’t know if I told you how excited I am for you. ((HUGS))

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    jamie says:

    best part of any movie ever! It will be such a beautiful thing to do for Jenna! Can’t wait to see new baby!!!

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    Tracy says:

    My first birth was a C-Section due to a very large and stubborn (read that to mean 34 hour labor) little (or not so little) girl. And I was hoping so much for a natural birth with this last one…whose life never had the chance to be. Maybe the next (God willing) will be my chance? For your exact reason. I feel I need to know, to strain, to push. And to hold my baby right away. People who have labored may indeed find us nuts (hell I labored, but never pushed…sometimes I think I’m nuts). I feel I need to be able to tell my daughter what to expect the day (long away in the future) she too has a child. Although I also had Placenta accreta with my first so a VBAC may never be possible–I still (very scared) dream. Good Luck and the best, best, best wishes!
    Tracy recently posted..Who Am I?My Profile

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    Stephanie D says:

    I understand the cheat!! I felt that way after Bailey was taken by emergency c-section. I could never had a natural delivery after that, or real contractions for that matter. I felt cheated for a long time, I would watch those baby stories and think ‘I could push way better then her, I would be the best pusher!!’. Oh well, having a safe baby is way better then being a good pusher.
    Stephanie D recently posted..A Visitor in the CloudsMy Profile

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    Beth says:

    I’d feel kind of cheated if I have to have a c-section, too. Of course, I WILL DO ANYTHING to bring this rainbow safely into the world. But I feel like there would be a great deal of healing for me in having another vaginal birth, since my first one was a vaginal birth of death. I want to go through a normal pregnancy and feel as normal (and not-crazy) as possible, and I don’t think a c-section would help with that. But of course…I’ll do whatever it takes, not just what I “want.”
    Baby is looking cute! :)
    Beth recently posted..On Not Reading + PerfectionismMy Profile

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    What a beautiful idea. The lanterns will be beautiful. And, I love that you are sending them off in thanks for her life.
    Kelly @ Sufficient Grace recently posted..Pink Stencils on Her DoorMy Profile

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    Born27 says:

    Tangled is a very good movie! One of my favorites..
    Good to hear that you and the baby is doing great.. Just take care of your health and eat more fruits and vegetables. Good luck!
    Born27 recently posted..skype conference callMy Profile

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    So funny that you mentioned this, just last week I was watching this with my son and I wanted to do this so badly for my little girl Elena who’s due date was suppose to be the 23rd.
    Christa @ Little BGCG recently posted..Go Away JulyMy Profile

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    Having a baby naturally is an amazing experience and such a gift. I completely know what you mean about feeling cheated. Try as hard as you can to get a VBAC. With my first son I had a natural birth-no meds, just me! It was very hard but so worth it-I never felt more empowered in all my life. I didn’t know then that it would be the only natural birth I’d get to have. I look back on all the pain and see a lovely gift and I leaned heavily on what I learned in childbirth to heal from Aubrey and Ellie’s deaths. Some pain is for good. Some pain births blessing beyond measure. Some pain transforms. I am so happy for you Fran!!!! I will be praying for you and your new baby!!!

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    travel says:

    think that is the best article thet i have read
    travel recently posted..I’m starting here…My Profile

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