I feel like my brain, my life, my heart is kind of all over the place. Happy, sad, rejoicing, thankful, heartbroken and just dying to get the to beach one more time this summer. So… this post is kind of a reflection of that (minus the beach craving).

If I was honest, I would tell you I’ve wondered a lot (more than I’d like to admit) if she will be the only girl I ever have.

Is it alright to admit that thought makes my heart a little sad? Nothing will thrill me more than to bring home a healthy baby – boy or girl – but I feel like I missing something amazing by not getting to raise a girl with all the glitter and excitement that little girls tend to be surrounded by.

At the end of the day, I miss the daughter I had for a while.

If I was honest, I’d tell you something about Joseph becoming increasingly independent makes me starve for this little baby to be here even faster. To have a little one to nurture and hold a while. While Joseph loves to cuddle, these days he is good with just a brief hug and then he is ready to conquer the world with books, puzzles and toys all day long. He never tires :)

And if I was completely honest, I’d tell you this blog has changed drastically this year – in content and in quantity – and I am 100% okay with that. I read this post and this post recently and I felt like I was nodding in total agreement the entire time. I don’t write as often, but only because I want to come here when I truly have something to say. Even though at the end of the day (and in twenty years) this will just be a collection of random thoughts by another twenty seven year old mama + wife.

And if we were sitting on the couch, spilling our hearts over cold lemonade and chocolate chip cookies, I’d share that tomorrow couldn’t come fast enough. Tomorrow something big and amazing happens. You might remember, or you might not but I’ve mentioned a time or two that I was working on a project at Jenna’s hospital called The Wall of Hope, for the NICU floor.

Tomorrow, my friends, it goes live. Finally!!! :) There will be this little ceremony, a real unveiling. I have been working for months and months and months on this project with a few other team members, and it will all be worth it tomorrow! Just thinking about how powerful this wall of hope will be for families in the NICU brings tears to my eyes, because I know it would have done so much for us. I hope to share pictures as soon as humanly possible! :) I can’t tell you how much of an honor it is to be a part of her hospital this way. No words, just tears of joy and gratitude.

Later this week, to celebrate the new look and theme of my subway art shop, I will be hosting a giveaway right here on my blog. I am so thrilled with the way it turned out! Be sure to visit by clicking on the link below.


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  1. 1
    Rosemary says:

    I love that the Wall of Hope has come to fruition. What a beauty legacy to be part of. Enjoy your blessings while you are living every bit. I also feel like my emotions are everywhere. I believe it’s because we are growing, and growing can be confusing at times. Whatever comes your way a boy or girl embrace it, nuture it and may your precious gift lead you to higher consciousness. You will find when your precious new life arrives, you will continually evolving as your family grows. There will be times when you will think of your daughter’s life, and want to reach out to her. I know; I’ve had these same emotions after having my daughter after my son’s death. She is watching from above giving you strength to manage everyday challenges even helping get through the quiet moments ahead. Take care blessed one :)

  2. 2
    Stephanie D says:

    I miss my baby girl. I miss dresses and bows. I miss what would now be more like formals and pretty shoes, and nails, and hair, and all that cool stuff. I watched the Olympics last night and saw Missy Franklin sitting on the floor between her mother’s legs having her hair done and I couldn’t help but think about Bailey. They were born the same year so the image in my mind stung a little to my heart. BTW, love the pic of your ticket, that’s my baby girl saying HI again <3 Bailey <3
    Stephanie D recently posted..My Little MusesMy Profile

  3. 3
    Stephanie says:

    Yes, there is a time and season for everything. And honestly, I am not in the season of being a blogger. Things change and evolve, which is what makes life exciting. But at the end of the day, our thoughts and words are still ours to pass along to our family and readers if they so wish to stop by. And that is just fine with me.

    Congrats on your amazing project with the hospital! I know that your heart and soul goes into it!
    Stephanie recently posted..Enough Love ~ New ArtMy Profile

  4. 4
    Amy Young says:

    You’re 27?! I’m even more impressed with you. Will look forward to pictures of the hospital!
    Amy Young recently posted..The Pain of Separation {Vintage}My Profile

  5. 5
    Ashley says:

    I love your sweet pictures in this post and that is so neat about your project at the hospital! I’d love it if you’d share this post on my blog’s life lately link up. I know there are a lot of moms (including myslef) who can relate to baby loss and all of the emotions that come with that. Thanks for sharing your story with us!

    Ashley recently posted..Pencilled Daydream MOVED!My Profile

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