Hope looks like a smile hiding the guilt, but more than that- the overwhelming fear that lightning, though rare does strike twice in some places. I can’t seem to shake that thought today. So I’m blogging about it, hoping it will be far from my heart tomorrow.
Hope looks like a mother-soon-to-be contemplating venturing out into Target to look at baby girl things again.
Hope looks like box of fabric shoved out of storage to make some headbands for our own daughter. I always hoped I would be able to make some for our own child one day, and while I wish to the moon and back that I could do this for Jenna, my heart skipped a beat when I realized I could actually do this for our new baby girl yesterday.
Hope looks like a mother-soon-to-be falling madly in love with her baby growing inside of her. Unguarded love. This type of love that has overwhelmed by heart since the news on Friday has left me feeling completely vulnerable at the same time. I feel like up until now, I have been withdrawing myself a bit, fearful that something could happen. But something about finding out the sex of your baby, it just makes the whole pregnancy more real. So real that you just can’t help it anymore.
She is coming. And let me just say I wish I could just type out her name right now because her name is beyond gorgeous (in my humble opinion) ;) and well, the meaning behind it is something I just can’t get over. It’s perfect in every way.
Hope is telling Bubby he is going to have a baby sister, and watching him point his chubby little finger up against my fast-growing belly and repeating “bay-bee sistuh”.
Hope looks like a Pinterest board, with baby girl things, colors, and nursery ideas while the baby has not yet arrived.
Hope looks like the incredibly real joy that I cannot hide even if I wanted to when I tell people “The doctor said we are having a girl!!”.
Hope looks like a dream in my head, wondering what it will be like to mother two babies here, and a daughter in Heaven.
Hope looks like a bird who just got her feathers, ready to take on the world, and chase her dreams. Hope feels incredible.
Hope is also a vulnerable place. A place where dreams can be crushed. A place where you are challenged to embrace so much when you have so little to go by.
Hope looks like a heart pleading before God, but the inability to find even one word. I have no words, just an earnest cry that God lets us keep her.
Hope looks like this mama, unable to keep still. I feel like I need to do something. These next few months will no doubt be the longest months in a long time.
Oh fran, im so glad to hear you are finding and holding fast to your hope. My rainbow baby boy Blake arrived 3weeks ago today. Exactly 1 week before his angel sister arielle’s 1st birthday in heaven. I adore him with all my heart, but can not help but ‘hope’ for the joy of preparing for the arrival of a sweet baby girl again one day….
So so beyond happy for you. Admittedly a little jealous too, not for the beautiful gift you have been given but for the lost opportunities for my family. I wanted a little girl so badly, and still do. However, I look over to my bookcase and there staring back at me is a little square canvas that says I Believe in Pink and I know it can’t be a coincidence that you made it for me. I have an Instagram of if that I love and one of some flowers I’m going to share with you too.
Love love love my friend!
Stephanie D recently posted..My Little Muses
Beautiful! Congratulations.
shannon recently posted..{Look Book} Fall Forecast
:)
Beth recently posted..In Which I Try Not to be Afraid of Myself
So beautiful! I think about you and pray for you every day!! Today I pray for hope!
Absolute Mommy recently posted..Blog Block {Coffee Date}
That is absolutely beautiful and so true! After losing my boys, Logan and Archer, to Twin to Twin Transfusion, and then becoming pregnant with their sister, everyone assured me that what happened to my boys, was like lightening striking, plus, she was a single baby, so it couldn’t happen. However, as you said, lightening can strike twice.
I held my breath for so much of the pregnancy and then decided I just had to enjoy it. I had to enjoy it for her, Arabella Grace, whose name means “Answered Prayer.” I had to enjoy it for me. Finally, in case lightening did strike again, I had to enjoy it so I could have memories of her beautiful soul.
Lightening didn’t strike, although even as I write this I knock on wood that she remains a healthy, beautiful child. She is in my arms and I LOVE her.
Enjoy this pregnancy ;)
Susie Schroadter recently posted..When You Have No Words
how precious and many congrats on a baby girl!!
Holly recently posted..Angel pins and ornaments
I’m so excited for your family, Fran! What a blessing.
Lindsay @ Trial By Sapphire recently posted..Being Punched in the Face & Other Weekend Adventures
Hope looks beautiful on you!
Holding on to hope with you! You are so brave and beautiful.
Fran! The photos are beautiful – but the writing is stunning. I love your honesty and the way you paint a picture with your words. Congrats on your new baby girl! I can’t wait to find out more about her!
I am sooooo happy for you!
Amanda recently posted..Flowers and frogs oh my
Oh Fran.
I might just be having one of those days. But I read this post last month, and cried tears of joy. Tears of Hope. And today, I popped by your blog again…browsed the right hand side, and saw this titled post, and clicked over again. And cried, again.
I just wanted to thank you for this beautiful post.
(((Veronica))) big hugs to you!
Im following along. I’m loving both your baby girls…and all of the babies who found their way into our lives after those who were gone too soon.
Love to you, and big loving hugs back!
Veronica recently posted..6 months