I held the envelope that nearly knocked the wind out of me Friday afternoon at about 5:15 pm. I was on cloud nine, just holding the envelope. Hearing the words “the baby’s doing beautifully“ again was music to my ears.
I was so happy.
I walked out of the doctor’s office and almost skipped to the elevator. I felt like the next few hours were going to kill me, and everyone waiting for a response of our baby’s gender.
I clicked the elevator button to send me back on my way downstairs. I couldn’t wait to hold my little boy again. He is just so missable. My blissful spirit was anything but prepared for what was waiting for me in the elevator.
The elevators in that building almost always take three and a half years to get to your floor, even though there are only three floors. But not this time. Almost immediately (or so it seems) they slid open. A young woman in her mid-twenties was hastily trying to cover up what was obviously a horrible day that had her face covered in tears.
My heart sank and I felt guilty for being the one with good news.
I shoved the envelope in my purse and my mind immediately went to that day in my life. I don’t even remember if anyone besides Pete noticed those tears… that face.
I slipped onto the elevator, with hesitation. I mean, those moments- they are so private. But at the same time I didn’t want to make her feel worse by sending her off by herself. As if my presence would make her day any worse.
I am sorry… but you should never have to leave the OB’s office in tears. Was it her OB appointment? Did they just tell her her baby had a genetic disorder? Was she even pregnant? My mind was racing.
That building is filled with nothing but women’s clinics (to my knowledge). Was she told she’d never be able to carry a precious life inside her?
I felt like I needed to hug her. But I didn’t. I glanced to my left, where she was standing and tried to think of something to say.
“Are you alright?”
Duh, Fran.
She almost began to tell me, but she lied. She was far from okay, but she also probably had no idea a stranger might just get her pain. On some level.
How awful that one place can send you off with so much happiness… and another family so much heartache.
We were those people three years ago, after a genetic counselor confirmed that our baby, who we had just found out was a girl hours earlier, could very likely come out with a chromosomal disorder. There were charts, questions and a whole bunch of answers I just don’t remember anymore.
Times like these I wish I had a baseball cap that said “I’ve been there, please don’t be afraid to cry in front of me!!”
Sigh.
Times like these, I will never understand. Times that leave you floored with happiness and heartache all at once.
Thank you for sharing this. My Moment was standing in the hospital holding the precious daughter I was being allowed to adopt as her birth mother was wheeled out of the room in tears. How could my incredible joy and her incredible grief co-exist at the same time. I am happy to say 12 years later we have a relationship with her birth mother. And she tells me that was the best decision she made in her life, both for her and my daughter. I am exceedingly grateful.
How amazing is your story. That is beautiful that a relationship exists.
Franchesca recently posted..That Person
Isn’t sad that even though we’ve been there, it’s still hard to find the words, especially with a stranger. I’ve been doing this long enough that I usually pry just because I feel like I can leave them with a smile and a hug and they are better off then alone in tears.
I love that!! You are so right. I hope to have the courage to step out and just ask more.
Franchesca recently posted..That Person
How tough. My heart goes out to her. I have been that person. My first week back at work, I would cry hysterically in the car on my way home. One night, a stranger rolled down his window and asked me the same question – “Are you okay?” And I said “Yes, I’m fine.” I obviously wasn’t fine, but didn’t know what else to say.
You have a big heart, and I’m sure just knowing that someone cared enough to ask if she was okay means something. to her. Hugs to you and your new little girl. You have an amazing heart.
Oh wow!!! How incredible is that person to have asked you while driving. Those things I guess we never forget.
Franchesca recently posted..That Person
I’m so glad you asked her.
Beth recently posted.."Normal"
Oh my goodness, you’ve brought tears to my eyes. I’m so happy for your good news, but what a difficult situation. You handled it beautifully. xoxo.
shannon recently posted..{Look Book} Transitional
Thank you so much Shannon xx
Franchesca recently posted..That Person
I haven’t been there yet… that moment to say “I’ve been there, I KNOW your pain. *I* understand”. In a way, I hope that I never have to see someone step into my shoes, but if it happens I hope that I can be there to do what I can. People like you, people who have been there, saved my life.
Big hugs Stephine, you are one amazing mama!!!
Franchesca recently posted..That Person
You are a beautiful person Fran. Your heart and soul are so full of grace. Thanks for sharing your life in such a beautiful way.
Absolute Mommy recently posted..I can’t stop laughing {Pinning}
Thank you Megan xxxx
Franchesca recently posted..That Person
The morning after giving birth to our sweet twins, my husband and I were at the nurses station signing more paperwork, when this young woman was wheeled out of her room with her baby in her arms. We looked at each other and said ” does she know how lucky she is?”
Thank you Fran for asking her if she was okay, as I know I would have giving anything to not feel so alone. I know you cherish your gift and we are all cheering for you…
xo
Oh Candy, that is so heartbreaking. I hate that anyone would feel so alone in these already awful, unimaginable situations. Big hugs to you!!!
Franchesca recently posted..That Person
You have such a kind heart, Fran. I’m happy to hear that you’re pregnancy is going along great! That’s wonderful news!
xoxo
Thank you Kristen, we are so so thankful :)
Franchesca recently posted..That Person
Reading this took me back to 9 months ago, when I was the other woman in the elevator. It was the morning of my D&C, we had lost our baby at ten weeks due to a partial molar pregnancy. My husband had dropped me off at the front door of the hospital so he could go park the car. As I waited for the elevator, a little boy and his grandmother joined me, and entered the elevator with me, chatting excitedly about the boy meeting his new little sister for the first time. I almost passed out from the emotional pain. Not wanting to ruin their special morning, I turned away, and spotted one of the midwives who knew what happened to me. She came over and put her arm around me, then guided me to the reception area, and waited with me until my husband arrived. I wish no one ever had to cry sad tears in OB offices or elevators. It just isn’t fair.
Kiara recently posted..Pump, Pump, Pump it Up
Oh Kiara, I can only imagine how heartbreaking that must have been to overhear, and watch. I wish none of us knew what it felt like to be ‘that person’. It is so so unfair that the OB office can give such beautiful news, and heartbreaking news.
Franchesca recently posted..That Person
Sigh. It is just all so unfair all around. I have felt the same way in many situations, and ironically still have a hard time finding those words because it sends me back to those horrible days, when most things I heard were hurtful. I am sure that you gave her some kind of warm fuzzi simply by being you and NOT ignoring her pain. Remember, we all have been asked and most of the time, it is not the time or place that we wanted to share. But I always appreciated when people were at least human to me.
Stephanie recently posted..Big BIG News, Sale and Free Charms!
Thanks Stephanie, I hope she felt less alone in that moment too. It is so true, no matter how much we have gone through, words are still so hard to find!
Big hugs to you friend xxxx
Franchesca recently posted..That Person
At least you opened the door, I can understand how hard it must be to try and tell a stranger without telling them that you get it.
Amanda recently posted..How I mentioned my love for The Little Mermaid?
Wow! I feel the love in the air while reading your story.. This is such a great story that you will love and be happy to read it over and over again..
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