You know who you are.
You’ll come with me to that quiet, and sometimes awkward place – in conversation.
A place of silence, maybe a few words.
A land of tears.
A place that is now empty, only full of shadows of what could have been.
A place where we lost so much.
A place that hurts to visit, because it confronts us with our own mortality.
You won’t hesitate to travel with me there when all seems to be good with the world. Yet, I need to visit that place of sadness from time to time.
Because you get it.
That place was the only place she was real.
You let me speak her name as if she was right here with us.
She is real to me, and she’s real to you.
Do you know how rare that is?
That makes you a real friend.
Space and time haven’t removed you completely from that horrific event that rocked our worlds, and had us thinking, “I can’t believe that just happened to us.” As if we are immune, but we think that sometimes don’t we? We are human after all.
You come with me to that place because you know love doesn’t end at the grave.
Love lives forever.
This is a perfect explanation of a friend who sticks through it All. It’s been quite surprising to find out who has stayed and who hasn’t.
It is surprising isn’t it? Grief has a way of sifting some out. Sending big love to you.
What a beautiful post.
I feel blessed and lucky to have a number of real friends to walk this journey as a bereaved mom with. This part of your piece especially resonates with me:
“Because you get it.
That place was the only place she was real.
You let me speak her name as if she was right here with us.
She is real to me, and she’s real to you.
Do you know how rare that is?”
Thank you and I am so sorry for your loss.
Kathy recently posted..Time Warp Tuesday: 9/11
Thank you so much Kathy. We are so blessed by those who might not understand our grief fully but support us regardless, especially by letting us talk about our children. Big hugs to you!
Love you & so glad you have good friends who are walking the journey with you!
Have you read Gwen Flowers poetry? She wrote a poem that sounds like you & your precious friends….
Walk With Me
By Gwen Flowers
Come, walk with me, my friend,
I’ll hold your hand.
This journey is not one to understand.
There is no sorting out
Chaff from the wheat.
We have to take the bitter with the sweet.
Come, walk with me,
Along the trail of tears.
We’ll share our heartbreak, and our hopes and fears.
This trail is not designed
To walk alone.
But we will make discoveries of our own.
Come, walk with me, my friend,
We’ll share the load
Up every hill and down the rugged road.
No map to show the route
Or tell how far.
No compass points the way, or guiding star.
Come, walk with me,
And I will walk with you.
Perhaps we two will find a better view.
Perhaps the trail,
Though thorny on the feet,
Will widen for two sorrowed hearts to meet.
Come, walk with me
Through brambled vine and thorn.
Step over stones that leave hearts ripped and torn.
The walk is never easy,
That is true.
But you will walk with me, and I with you.
I have never read this poem before Mary! It is beautiful! Thank you for sharing it with me. I am so thankful for friends who will walk with me, and talk with me about Jenna too :) Sending big love to you xx
Franchesca recently posted..A Friend
=]
Thanking God for friends that let me say their names and speak of them like they are just in the next room playing.
Stephanie D recently posted..A Gift from Far Away Places – like Australia
AMEN! :)
Franchesca recently posted..A Friend
Honey Amen to that.
Chloe Louise recently posted..Workers Comp Settlement
What a beautiful post! I have been fortunate to have a couple of great friends since our daughter Clara was born still in July 2012. I don’t know what I would have done without that outlet, without someone that would listen to me talk on and on about all of the crazy thoughts that cross one’s mind in the wake of their baby’s death. Much love to you!
Heather O. recently posted..My Brother Is Home
Sending love to you as well! I know what you mean, it’s so comforting to know we aren’t alone in this journey.
I love this post. It is so true. I suppose we are all part of a club we didn’t want to join, but it is so comforting to have each other and the understanding that comes with it. Thanks for your post. I’m sorry for your loss.
Lynn recently posted..Finding My Muchness
Thank you Lynn, I am so sorry for your loss too. Sending big hugs xx
Thank you for sharing the inspiring poem…I really appreciate it…
Traci recently posted..Yeast Infection Treatment Guide
I love this Fran. And I absolutely love your header on your blog. So pretty.
You’re beautiful, sweet friend.
xo
Christy recently posted..Perfect
its been so hard for people to talk to me about losing Vylette. she was killed. the ultimate taboo. medical malpractice. killed at birth. something so preventable and often i am left alone in the dark. no one but strangers to talk to. i am so thankful for them.. and the maybe less than a handful of people i know who talk to me about Vylette.. or at least listen.
Justice for Vylette recently posted..siiiiiiiiiighhhhh
Oh Jackie, I cannot imagine. That is the ultimate taboo for sure. I am so sorry. Those few that will at least listen, they are precious. Sending big love to you. xoxo
It is amazing how few true friends one really has in a lifetime. My circle of friends was always small. I believed quality was better than quantity. I value loyalty and honesty from my friends. My circle shrank to the size of a pinhead when my grandaughter passed away soon after her birth on 12/12/2011. Even family members don’t want to hear her name, ask how “we” are doing much less shed a tear with me. It was a hard reality to find that grief is isolating and sometimes pushes those we want to hold close, further away. Is it that hard to listen, ask how things are going, offer me a tissue when I shed a tear or give me a hug when I look as if I may fall apart? I have lost more than my granddaughter since that dreaded day. I do believe there are new friends waiting for me. I just have to find them.
Oh Colleen, I am so sorry. I don’t know why it is that way. I had a super hard time understanding this early on (and still don’t understand it much) but my pastor’s wife told me that most people are uncomfortable being around hurting people. I thought that is so selfish! But it’s true. Everyone likes to believe they are immune and seeing our grief, our pain and our realities it confronts them with the possibility that sometimes life stinks big time.
I’m so sorry, and praying and hoping you find those friends as well xoxo