Hopeful. And a baby update.

Every time I think about holding baby Peach for the very first time, soaking her beautiful scent up and realizing that she will be forever ours tears begin to fall.

With Bubby that moment came right after my c-section before they knocked me out again. They let me hold him, and I remember the tears falling. The nurse asked me if I was alright.

I was more than alright. I was perfect. We didn’t quite make it to the finish line – but he was here, and he was healthy. There were no worried looks on any of the doctors or nurses. All was well, and I remember thinking this is what having a baby should be like.

I was a blubbering mess, and just remember telling her something like “Oh yes, we’re just so happy he’s here.”

I couldn’t believe this little guy was so healthy. So ours. Before that moment I felt like the universe was mocking me for wanting a living and breathing child.

After the c-section and a little bit of time they took me over to the NICU where they were just monitoring his breathing for a few hours since he was more than five weeks early. I remember just being wonderstuck. Life would never be the same, and it never has been.

I am anxious to feel that change in the wind again. A new normal with two babes. And a realization that life will never be the same again.

I just had this overwhelming feeling today about holding our girl for the first time. I was thinking about this post I wrote not too long after Bubby was born on “what makes a rainbow”. I can’t wait to write her post, scatter pictures of her throughout it, and reflect on the incredible storm that will make her presence here so much more precious.

I went to see the doctor yesterday and everything still looks really great with baby Peach. She did say my amniotic fluid was “on the low side”. Am I worried? Yes, just a little bit. I think I remember having similar problems with Joseph – I can’t remember for sure though. But she didn’t seem too worried, and she is not one to hold back. She just told me to drink more water everyday.

So I wait. And pray. And I’m thanking God there are so many stinkin’ holidays to distract me while we wait for her to get here!

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