I was pleasantly surprised at yesterday’s ultrasound appointment. In a matter of minutes the technician flipped the screen from the 2D ultrasound that I can hardly ever make out, to the fun 3D one.
My first impression? Tears. She looks so much like Bubby did at this stage (bottom one is Baby Peach).
In a flurry Dr. A came in, did her measurements and quickly but steadily assured me all was well. I could sense urgency on her.
Down the hall, before the ultrasound began I could hear muffled, concerned tones. You hear that quite a bit at this office. As I was leaving I heard one of the nurses say the baby’s heartbeat was dropping.
I’ve been in that other room, been that other woman hearing horrible words like that.
I felt so much guilt for being the one with good news yet again, and so much sadness for what the other family is no doubt enduring right now.
I walked out of the office with so much emotion. Mostly I just wanted to cry. Somedays I’d still like to know why. Yesterday was one of those days.
I called Pete and shared the good news. I got quiet and just gushed after he asked what was wrong. I said something like ‘baby aspirin could have saved her life!!’ Of course, no one will ever know that for sure, but it’s helped both subsequent pregnancies keep the blood clots to a minimum. I can’t help but wonder…
It shouldn’t be this way. Yesterday was such a gift. I got to see Baby Peach’s features. Her big eyes, forehead, nose… the petiteness compared to her big brother.
Maybe, just maybe this bittersweetness is a gift in itself though. It keeps pain close. It keeps the possibility of loss real. I don’t ever want to take the beauty of good news for granted.