Christmas Joy

If you are visiting for the first time, this post is part of the series “12 Days of Christmas With You in Heaven”. To learn more about this series, please click here. Angelique talks today about her beautiful ornament tradition, and how she remembers her children in Heaven at Christmas time.

Christmas begins the weekend after Thanksgiving in my home. We carefully pack away the autumn items and ‘deck the halls’ literally. We drape greenery overtop every horizontal surface- book cases and buffets and curtain rods. We take out the musical carousel that spins and plays carols while the animals- lions, ostriches, camels- glide up and down. Then we put up our tree and begin to hang our decorations- red berry garlands, white lights and finally, our ‘Family’ ornaments. Each year since we were engaged, my husband and I have purchased a Family ornament. The first ornament was a silver heart with a favorite wedding picture inside, next comes a picture of my hubby and I on our first anniversary. Each year, we hang a new ornament that shows how our family has grown and changed.

This year, the picture will include my hubby and myself, our two children and my 15 year old niece of whom we have custody. The picture will be of us – our family – in varying shades of blue, posing at a beautiful, gothic-style church. My son and daughter each hold a white stone in their hand each representing an elder sibling who was lost during pregnancy. Calan, my first sweet child, was born during the 8th week of pregnancy in August of 2004. My son, Anduril, was born sleeping at 22.5 weeks in August of 2005. Every child in our family also has their own ornament. We began the tradition after losing my son. I wanted to remember him that Christmas, so we bought a snowflake for Anduril and a Christmas star for Calan. These were joined by a baby carriage with a Santa bear after my son Alex’s birth in 2006 and a lovely Victorian heart for my daughter Fae was hung on the tree in 2009.

Every year, when I take these precious ornaments out, the family gathers around the tree and we smile, and mourn, and are grateful for our all of our children. We give thanks for all the joy in our lives and we grieve all that has been lost. I miss my eldest children- I miss the matching holiday shirts they would have worn each Christmas Eve; I miss checking on them one last time and grinning at how excited they would be in the morning; I miss the moments of delight- excited screams and peppermint kisses- as the sun just begins to peep over the snowy hills on Christmas morning… But there is a quiet joy in knowing they are never really lost to me. Their cells still run through my blood, their place in our family still belongs to them and their Christmas ornaments are hung with love every year.