Sometimes I just turn around and you’re sitting there, more grown up and changed than you were five minutes ago.
Some days time passes slowly but in the past few weeks you have gone from sitting up on your own to semi-crawling to pulling up on things (and getting stuck, it’s actually kind of funny!).
I’ve started the planning for the big birthday party that will be here before you know it, and while it’s fun to think of, I know there will be tears.
It seems you are growing up so much faster than your big brother. So much faster.
So while I have a minute I wanted to send a love letter through time. In hopes that you one day might find it.
Goodness, I just don’t know where to start. Lately I’ve been thinking back to the first few days we brought you home, and even the first time I saw you after you were taken to the NICU. You were wrapped in tubes, under the incubator. It was pretty scary. But you were a fierce little warrior, just like your big sister, from day one.
When the day finally came to bring you to your new home you just don’t know how much love and joy filled the air. More than we ever imagined. Our house was already filled to the brim with your brother, but something about love, it just makes room for more love.
There can never be enough love.
Always remember that.
When I hold you, I try to smell you. I don’t ever want to forget your smell, or the way it feels to hold you in my arms. Or the way you smile so big when you see me coming around the corner to see what you’re up to. Or the way you talk and play in your crib before you realize I’m there, and when I get closer you get so excited and start kicking your legs and smile so big. Or the way you wake up at 4 am, and I’m drowning in a pool of exhaustion as I clumsily change out your diaper, but you manage a smile anyway. And even though I am so not a morning person, it’s hard not to smile back at you.
I’d be okay if you never outgrew this age.
But I know thats not how things are meant to be. Growth is good. And these beautiful things that I have the privilege of watching everyday unfold, you won’t remember them. But I will.
And when I’m sad, or feeling down or just having one of those days, I can think of you.
And the ray of sunshine you cast into our world.
Time and time and time again.