This month’s theme for the Ford Fiesta movement is style! In case you’ve missed the past couple of posts, I have been asked to help spread the news about the movement, and each month is a different theme. I kind of struggled with this theme, but it is something that has been on my heart for a while. I don’t count myself as particularly materialistic or even fashionable but through the years, and specifically since experiencing loss I feel like I have redefined who I am. And being a little bit more bold about it.
You see, there is something I haven’t told you here. If you know me in real life then you already know but if you only know me through the inter webs, you probably don’t. For ten years after I became a Christian I gave up wearing pants. I didn’t do it because I thought they were wrong, I did it because I honestly believed it was something I could give up to please God. Something between just me and him.
After losing Jenna, everything and I mean EVERYTHING changed. I began feeling extremely disappointed in a lot of well-meaning Christians who were pushing me through my grief and judging me instead of supporting me because to them I was not “moving on” like they believed I should be. They all happened to be the dresses+skirts only wearing Christians. I began to feel very withdrawn from my own wardrobe. And I was not comfortable in my own skin anymore – I am positive it had more to do with just my wardrobe, but it was a contributing factor. Grief does have a way of making us keenly aware of our insecurities and shortcomings. I should pause here and say that there are Christian women who are the dresses/ skirts wearing type that HAVE been supportive since my loss. But this isn’t about them. This isn’t about the ones who weren’t supportive either. I want to emphasize that this is about me. My style. My heart. My relationship with God.
I questioned everything about my faith after loss, and more specifically after being hurt by others. I started digging deep why I was doing the things I was doing. Why it mattered. If it mattered. I travelled with bitterness, and struggled with disappointment, among other things. This kind of makes me think of that book Hinds Feet on High Places. In the end your relationship with God is a very personal journey. I feel like more than anything else, our loss made me confront a lot of things head on, in a way I might have never done before. It made me search out my own heart and motives.
I don’t think there is a line anymore. Black and white got tossed out the window a long, long time ago. I think it is a path you sort of tread. Some days you do alright, and some days you fall so hard you don’t think you will ever make it. Each day, making up your mind to please God in your heart. And losing those ties around you that are breaking your soul, instead of helping your relationship with God.
More than ever I feel like your wardrobe and style shouldn’t be about appeasing someone else’s judgments, and sometimes it’s not even about matching. It’s about setting you free. Free to be who God created YOU to be. And that, THAT is what points others back to him.
But that’s just my thoughts on it. I realize this post may offend someone, but it most definitely was not intended that way. I could have bluffed my way through a post on style, but I really want to show you real life here.
Anyway, in my book, a maxi skirt or yoga pants are always a win-win. :)
I will be doing a follow-up on this post with some wardrobe ideas on being bold, wild at heart and free in spirit.
disclosure: I am being compensated to spread the news about the Ford Fiesta movement!