so this is love.
On a typical day, this is what my living room floor looks like. Dump trucks, stuffed animals and books scattered all over our worn out carpet. Rubbed out spots on the floor, from peanut butter or ice cream. Laundry covering the smaller sofa. I can hardly keep up these days. I think I’ve given up [...]
Sometimes she whispers. Sometimes she’s far. And it’s almost like it never happened. It’s easier for grief to be so close it hurts. Isn’t that so backwards though? In the beginning it was unimagineable to think that I’d have to carry this pain for the rest of my life. And now that ebb and flow [...]
Watching your son. Doing this. On his own. Enjoying it, and believing that his mower is making as big a difference as his daddy’s – because – you know – it is! He’s so proud. He smiles shyly at you when you try to take the picture, but then turns his sweaty red face back [...]
I still miss you. I still think of you. I still hurt when the word ‘family’ is mentioned. We are a family, but a big chunk is missing. So in essence we are a broken family. At least that’s the way it feels. I still want to know who you would have been. I still [...]
the park, the little man’s face when he sees the park and time. lots and lots of time. sunset at battery park. people that believe in spontaneity. it’s rare in today’s hectic world. but it keeps life interesting. people who will dress up like these two sesame street characters. verdict is still out on the [...]
These last few days have been filled with so much. So much love. So much hope. So much anxiety. And surprisingly so much grief. When the nurse came into the room and announced that we would be taking the baby that night, it was everything I could do to not cry. I fought back the [...]
It feels strange leaving Christmas behind, and to be standing what feels like only inches away from holding our newest child. I wrote a few days ago on visiting the cemetery, and how it had been months and months since going to see Jenna. After Christmas turned into just another normal day today, grief doesn’t [...]
“Every true cross-bearer learns to carry his cross as if it were an ornament rather than a burden, and finds after a time that it carries him. It gives more strength to him than he gives to it.” - Mrs. Charles Cowman The other day a dear friend texted me this quote. I haven’t been [...]
If I was honest I’d tell you more than anything it breaks my heart that our country is so… divided. Facebook and twitter were spewing with so much hatred and ugliness and over a matter of difference in opinions on Tuesday. I don’t and I just won’t get into politics here – hopefully ever. If [...]
I could tell you about the anxiety that is slowly building for tomorrow’s doctor appointment (and glucose test)… and I could tell you that the closer the book is to being done, and the time to share it with a few special people is drawing nearer, the more nervous I am about handing a huge [...]
So you know that moment that overcomes you when you realize this is what life is all about… and the sunset is somehow painting a breathtaking backdrop for this epic moment… when your son runs up to you holding a fistful of otherwise weeds, but today – precious flowers - as you happen to be holding your camera [...]
Over time I didn’t find as much comfort spilling all the details about our loss with every stranger, and every person I happened to talk to. Over time I realized her story, our journey with her… those words… they are gifts that God gave us to share. And not just anyone can handle such love [...]
I was pleasantly surprised at yesterday’s ultrasound appointment. In a matter of minutes the technician flipped the screen from the 2D ultrasound that I can hardly ever make out, to the fun 3D one. My first impression? Tears. She looks so much like Bubby did at this stage (bottom one is Baby Peach). In a [...]
The past few days have been futile. As we prepare to put this house on the market – our home – nostalgia is setting in. I remember bringing Joseph home. I remember sitting next to his sleeping, breathing little body on the big green couch and thinking what will I do without his nurses? I guess I [...]
The whole day was emotional. I mentioned a few days ago we hit the 20 week mark with Baby Peach on the day of the release, and that morning I had a conversation with my mom I might and hope to never forget. Sometimes you just think people have moved on, but then you [...]
