so this is love.
Nelly – Just A Dream by Nelly – Just A Dream on Grooveshark It amazes me that this well, this well of absolute sadness and grief is never ever empty. There is always something down there. Something that motivates me to be a better person. Something that brings me to tears. Something that moves my [...]
This Mother’s Day, remember me. The mom who holds her baby’s hand in the NICU. The mom who wants nothing more than to take her newborn baby home, and free her baby from the medications, the doctors and the smell of the hospital. The mom who misses the baby she lost. The mom who has sweet [...]
On a typical day, this is what my living room floor looks like. Dump trucks, stuffed animals and books scattered all over our worn out carpet. Rubbed out spots on the floor, from peanut butter or ice cream. Laundry covering the smaller sofa. I can hardly keep up these days. I think I’ve given up [...]
Sometimes she whispers. Sometimes she’s far. And it’s almost like it never happened. It’s easier for grief to be so close it hurts. Isn’t that so backwards though? In the beginning it was unimagineable to think that I’d have to carry this pain for the rest of my life. And now that ebb and flow [...]
I’ve had blog posts drifting through my head but I’ve barely had enough time to even check my email these days. The blog posts usually happen when I’m driving, almost asleep or feeding the kiddos… but if I could tell you what’s been on my heart you’d get a modge podge answer that goes something [...]
I have this dream. It’s pretty close to my heart. It might not be big to others, but it’s big to me. It’s what I’ve been talking with my husband about lately. He’s welcomes the idea, but he’s skeptical. He says I’m already so busy, and he’s so right. But it’s hard to shake a [...]
Last night on Still Standing’s facebook page I posed a question about describing your grief journey in one word. The response was overwhelming. Many hours later, that status was still active, and all kinds of words were popping up. Words like ‘heavy, broken, confused, raw…” My heart sinks reading those words. These words are being [...]
This has been on my heart since the Google Hangout a few days ago with STILL Project and a few other amazing people in this loss community. At the very end Carrie asked us what we would say to everyone who has supported us, and just anyone out there listening in. My first instinct was [...]
I know what they mean now. When you hug your kids, hold them together on your lap. The wholeness. The wonder that surrounds you in the clumsy embrace – that you carried these beautiful lives into this world. That you matter unfathomably so much to them. And you can’t picture your world without them. I [...]
I still miss you. I still think of you. I still hurt when the word ‘family’ is mentioned. We are a family, but a big chunk is missing. So in essence we are a broken family. At least that’s the way it feels. I still want to know who you would have been. I still [...]
I remember your tears. I remember you doing lots of things, but mostly I remember you crying for me. I remember the meals, the clean house, the visits, the flowers. And the cards with a dozen too many words for me to wrap my brain around at that time. But today when I think back, [...]
I find myself more curious than ever. What she would have been like… What she would think of her little sister… Would Evelyn and Jenna favor each other? Every day I’ve had the divine pleasure of holding my own sweet girl. Taking my time with her. Feeding her, loving her, holding her. I held Jenna [...]
On the night sweet Evelyn was born this miracle fell over Christian’s Beach. Carly’s email and pictures sent chills over me. Real life, visible chills. She says there has only ever been one other rainbow over the sand dunes at sunset in the four and half years she has been drawing names in the sand. [...]
These last few days have been filled with so much. So much love. So much hope. So much anxiety. And surprisingly so much grief. When the nurse came into the room and announced that we would be taking the baby that night, it was everything I could do to not cry. I fought back the [...]
It feels strange leaving Christmas behind, and to be standing what feels like only inches away from holding our newest child. I wrote a few days ago on visiting the cemetery, and how it had been months and months since going to see Jenna. After Christmas turned into just another normal day today, grief doesn’t [...]
