so this is love.
It feels strange leaving Christmas behind, and to be standing what feels like only inches away from holding our newest child. I wrote a few days ago on visiting the cemetery, and how it had been months and months since going to see Jenna. After Christmas turned into just another normal day today, grief doesn’t [...]
“Every true cross-bearer learns to carry his cross as if it were an ornament rather than a burden, and finds after a time that it carries him. It gives more strength to him than he gives to it.” - Mrs. Charles Cowman The other day a dear friend texted me this quote. I haven’t been [...]
I’ve had this dream for as long as I can remember. To be a mom. It came true, and it didn’t all at once. I went to my own baby shower today. The second one I’ve been to since my shower for Bubby. I was a wreck on the way up there. Thankfully the drive [...]
She’s close. She used to be so close I could barely breathe… eat… sleep. She used to be the security blanket I hid under while the rest of the world drove past me at a furious speed, splattering the mud from the highway onto this blanket I had come to know so well. She mostly [...]
So. I vlogged. Angie is the mastermind behind the Spoken Word Blog Round-Up (second year in a row), which is just insanely powerful. To get to watch and listen to the posts being read, by bereaved mothers (and apparently one loss father last year) about loss and grief after losing a child. A few disclaimers… [...]
Over time I didn’t find as much comfort spilling all the details about our loss with every stranger, and every person I happened to talk to. Over time I realized her story, our journey with her… those words… they are gifts that God gave us to share. And not just anyone can handle such love [...]
I was pleasantly surprised at yesterday’s ultrasound appointment. In a matter of minutes the technician flipped the screen from the 2D ultrasound that I can hardly ever make out, to the fun 3D one. My first impression? Tears. She looks so much like Bubby did at this stage (bottom one is Baby Peach). In a [...]
It hasn’t always been like this. Grief today looks so much different than it did three years ago, two years ago – even one year ago. I don’t know when it happened, but I have to think at some point I just got tired of feeling so blue. So wiped out by grief. So angry. [...]
My annoying little alarm clock began ringing at 6am this morning. I didn’t want to miss the sunrise for “Capture Your Grief“, but I also have no idea what time the sun actually rises these days so I set it early just in case. Hubby took the day off today and about 3 times after [...]
The whole day was emotional. I mentioned a few days ago we hit the 20 week mark with Baby Peach on the day of the release, and that morning I had a conversation with my mom I might and hope to never forget. Sometimes you just think people have moved on, but then you [...]
You know who you are. You’ll come with me to that quiet, and sometimes awkward place – in conversation. A place of silence, maybe a few words. A land of tears. A place that is now empty, only full of shadows of what could have been. A place where we lost so much. A place [...]
It’s been a while since we’ve caught up. And if I had it my way, we’d all be sitting on big comfy couches with our pajamas and big fluffy pillows in our laps, talking over a cup of coffee, tea, lemonade… something yummy. Talking from one loss mama to another. Even three years later it [...]
It was about 8:30 in the morning and Bubby and I were strolling through Target to satisfy two cravings of mine. One – a decaf Iced Latte from Starbucks and two – some pancake mix. Naturally after picking up the pancake mix (and some brownie mix) I headed to the clothes. How can you not pass by [...]
Someone said in our meeting last week that children are the greatest thing you’ll ever be given. I guess it was the way it was worded that really hit me. I mean, that is a no brainer, right? But I guess it felt good to have someone else validate that truth. Children really are the greatest [...]
I held the envelope that nearly knocked the wind out of me Friday afternoon at about 5:15 pm. I was on cloud nine, just holding the envelope. Hearing the words “the baby’s doing beautifully“ again was music to my ears. I was so happy. I walked out of the doctor’s office and almost skipped to the elevator. [...]
