so this is love.
On a typical day, this is what my living room floor looks like. Dump trucks, stuffed animals and books scattered all over our worn out carpet. Rubbed out spots on the floor, from peanut butter or ice cream. Laundry covering the smaller sofa. I can hardly keep up these days. I think I’ve given up [...]
This afternoon, Evie fell asleep in my arms, and a few minutes later I found myself waking up to the sound of the doorbell. Our neighborhood boys trying to find their ball in our yard again. I looked down at her, realizing what had just happened. I had fallen asleep too. She was so comfortable. [...]
Dear Joseph + Evelyn, It seems like this year it just doesn’t stop. The world is a hurting place, and you have to wonder how much more sadness can be born into such a small world. I feel helpless thinking about the world you will know. A lot of people say that all these disasters [...]
I am free. Free from the lies. The hurt. The guilt. The guarded heart. The trembling. The fear. Today, I am free. She smiles. Her dimples poking the most adorable pockets into the biggest, softest cheeks ever. She loves. Something in her eyes tells me she knows. The rainbow. It heals. The scar ever present. [...]
Lately on weekends I am finding it easier to close the laptop. Unwind, as much as possible. This past weekend I sort of celebrated having my living room ‘redone’. I made curtains out of $12 wal-mart queen size sheets, painted a chalkboard wall in our kitchen and made our own family photo wall collage on [...]
Since the thought of having children entered my mind years and years ago, I’ve always been afraid of having a daughter. Maybe its because I knew how me and my own mom got along in my teen years… maybe it’s because I knew how I was… I don’t know. But I do know the thought [...]
This is our third year going to the rodeo. The first where Joseph was able to really enjoy it. I loved watching his face, riding the pony, feeding the animals, riding the ferris wheel, walking around in his big boy boots holding his Daddy’s hand. Be still, my heart. He’s growing up, and while [...]
For days, maybe even weeks, I’ve wanted so much to come here and write. Truly pour my soul out once again, as I’ve done so often in the past. This is therapy to me. Hammering the keys down, forming my thoughts into words. Sharing them with the world. It helps my soul. It’s ironic to me [...]
I know what they mean now. When you hug your kids, hold them together on your lap. The wholeness. The wonder that surrounds you in the clumsy embrace – that you carried these beautiful lives into this world. That you matter unfathomably so much to them. And you can’t picture your world without them. I [...]
Today was Evie’s due date. I’ve been wanting to collect all the baby bump pics somehow, so here goes! Sometimes I still can’t believe how fast it all went. Then and… now. For this child I prayed; and the LORD hath given me my petition which I asked of him: 1 Samuel 1:27
There are some things that are must haves around here. For fun. For memories. For time’s sake. Because life is too short and must have some ‘rules’ to make the most of it. Keep the camera and/ or phone charged and easy to get to. Kodak moments seem to come as quickly as they go. [...]
Giving thanks today for… 1. sunlight in January. 2. celebrating Evelyn’s homecoming with friends+family 3. having beautiful messes throughout the house. Yes, beautiful. One day I will miss them. 4. hearing him call her “peshus” (precious) 5. the proofs arriving yesterday! I’m settling into this new routine of caring for two littles. I use the [...]
I find myself more curious than ever. What she would have been like… What she would think of her little sister… Would Evelyn and Jenna favor each other? Every day I’ve had the divine pleasure of holding my own sweet girl. Taking my time with her. Feeding her, loving her, holding her. I held Jenna [...]
“wished for child” “beautiful bird” “life” I tend to think the last one is the most accurate meaning of her first name, but no matter what her name really means, they all just fit. So perfectly. It still doesn’t feel like she’s ours, I’ll admit. Maybe it has to do with having to ask permission [...]
