Sometimes I hold you, just because.
Just because it won’t always be this way.
You’ll grow up, spread your own wings and the way life works you’ll be so busy. The way I’m busy with life and I don’t see my mom every single day.
It hurts my heart to think of you leaving this house. But I hope you know you always have a home here. Sure, someday you’ll grow up and chase your own dreams and I pray you’ll use your God-given talents in some extraordinary way. And I’ll be your biggest cheerleader. But all the while I will know that someday, like today, we knew it was coming.
So there are many, many times I just hold you. Smile at you. Play with you. Ask you the same questions over and over, because they’re the ones that you can answer and we can hold conversations that I know you won’t remember, but I will.
Like the time you told me you saw two angels outside our window on the way home last Wednesday.
Or the time you told me you saw Jesus in our closet.
Or the time you asked me about Daddy’s work.
Or the many times you’ve told me about you starting school in September. (I love the way you say “September”, by the way!)
Or the time you talked to me about your monster trucks.
And I chase you around the house, or tickle you or make some crazy face just to see your smile.
I don’t feel worthy to be your mom.
I find myself reaching in desperate measures these days for wisdom, patience, and rest.
And each time I get frustrated at myself, I can hear God whisper that all I really have to do is ask. Just ask.
So today, all I can think of to do, is hold you. Just because.
Life won’t always be this simple.