Today is for You.

Over time I didn’t find as much comfort spilling all the details about our loss with every stranger, and every person I happened to talk to.

Over time I realized her story, our journey with her… those words… they are gifts that God gave us to share. And not just anyone can handle such love and such grief in a single story. I envy them, but I pity them too.

Over time it became clear that life would never ever be the same. Life would become sweet again. Sweeter, actually, than ever before – but it would be different.

Over time I began to talk about her less and less in real life. I ache to use her beautiful name. Call her from her room, whisper her name as we play hide and seek. Bring her up in conversation with other mommies, to spill some amazing or silly thing she did.

Over time I have found peace with our loss. Not to be confused with being ‘okay’, but peace. Peace is like a song that helps you to sleep at night. And like a wave that overcomes you, when you know you should be far from this place of bittersweet serenity.

Over time I have let a lot of things go. Hurtful comments, mindless accusations, and words that were spoken in haste rather than in thought. Over time they just weren’t worth the space in my heart.

Over time I’ve kept a lot of her stories, and the last few moments close to my heart.

Over time I have learned that it’s okay to smile again. Live again. Breathe again.

But in all the lessons time has brought me, being her mother has never changed.

And as her mother, I’ll speak her name today.

Today is for you, my sweet Jenna.

Why It Is Important to Break the Silence About Baby Loss

Please don’t hate me for saying this, but I used to see campaigns for such-and-such awareness before our loss and was always a little confused. Usually it was for breast cancer, prostate cancer or something that is highly recognized – noble causes. They should be recognized – I never questioned that part.

But in my ignorance… and bliss… and my happy bubble I always thought in the back of my mind… why?

Why create ribbons? Why make the football players wear that lovely shade of pink every October? To be frank – IS it making a difference? IS it saving a life? That is the whole point, right?

Well, now I sort of get it.

I create ribbons, and I like to make a fuss this time of year any small way I can. Not because I want sympathy. Not because I want to make you uncomfortable or squirm in your happy bubble when you see my ribbon profile on facebook. And to be honest, if you aren’t comfortable talking about our loss, even this time of year, I am completely okay with that. This is bigger than us.

But.

I want you to know this really happens. Babies really die. For all sorts of reasons – explained and unexplained. October is about remembering our children gone too soon, but really it is a reflection of just how many people are affected worldwide, every moment of every day. One in four. One in four women will face a pregnancy/ infant loss in her lifetime. Some more than one.

In the past few years I’ve seen it become a little less of a taboo and that is wonderful. Wonderful only because that means one less woman will feel like she is crazy when she goes through these emotions.

Why is it necessary to talk about this? We may, and we may not save another baby by talking about it, but we can – with a willingness to break the taboo – make room in our hearts for compassion. Not every time a woman sees two pink lines come across that pregnancy strip does a baby come home nine months later.

Let’s make her feel less alone. Let’s break the taboo and lend her the compassion she and her family so rightfully deserve.

Our Life in Instagr.am

All I can say is thank God for instagr.am. It’s gotta be one of the best apps in the whole wide WORLD. :]

1. Bubby in the moonwalk.

2. Me+Bubby. My new favorite top (found it on clearance at Target!)

3. The animal exhibit at Gallery Furniture. I never ever go in there, so it threw me off when I was in there with someone and saw they had MONKEYS in the same place where they sell recliners, mattresses and overpriced lamps. Weird? I thought so too. Poor monkeys.

4. This is about the time that Jenna starts mixing her watercolors with all the babies up there. I think they like painting quite a bit in Heaven.

1. Isn’t she lovely? :]

2. Pumpkins.

3. More pumpkins at Dewberry Farm. More pics from our trip there soon :]

4. Grandma+Bubby time.

1. Cool truck.

2. Gussy. She rocks my socks off. I won $50 shop credit some time ago and snagged this bag with it. It doesn’t get used much as I’m afraid of wearing it out! Lately, since my other purse has a hole in it I’ve been using it more. And loving EVERY minute of it!

3. Headband from just.lovely.things. My new favorite shop these days.

4. A water hose holder-thingy never looked so pretty ;]

1. Yummmmmmm…..

2. Swinging in the park.

3. Jenna’s candle, handmade by Amy {mommy to Princess Nevaeh}

4. Our Sweet Blossom candle that burned on October 15th.

One last thing… hope you enjoy this freebie! Download here.

Happy, happy friday friends!

XOXO

ps- blog design queue opens Monday, October 24… and possibly a sweet holiday gift package to go along with it!

October 15th – Breaking the Silence

3 years ago today I had no idea I was living the day that so many hold precious. Precious for their babies, nephews, nieces, grandchildren, sisters, brothers… gone too soon.

3 years ago today I had just found out about my first pregnancy ever, with Jenna.

3 years ago today my biggest fear was gaining too much weight. Horrible, I know.

3 years ago today I became a mommy.

3 years ago today I had no idea that there was a whole month dedicated to babies in Heaven.

3 years ago today all I hoped for was a healthy pregnancy. That’s what everyone says, right? I’ll be happy as long as he or she is healthy.

But no one ever actually thinks their baby won’t be healthy. Not really. Not unless you’ve lived it, or watched someone close to you lose their baby.

1 in 4 women will experience a pregnancy loss sometime in their lifetime. Those statistics are staggering. Mind-blowing. Real.

How did I not know about October 15th three years ago?

Let’s break the silence. No one should feel alone in this.

Thank you the Letter 4 for helping us break the silence and featuring our Lost for Words card line on this special date!

Walk to Remember

This past Saturday’s Walk kind of crept up on us. The entire ceremony was incredibly well thought out, I can only imagine all the hours that went behind planning such an event.

And what a gift the weather was. It almost felt like fall :)

Today I’ll let the photos speak for themselves… hope you enjoy.

 

October 15th Remembrance Ribbons Tutorial

I’m SO excited to share this little ribbon idea from last year with you! They are a great way to raise money for any charity you might be running or an event. And umm… a little birdie told me there will be another tutorial coming up for these. They also make a great fundraiser, if you’re crafty and love tulle. ;)

So here we go…

Gather your supplies: {get ready, these babies need a ton of stuff}

- scissors
- 1/2″ OR 1/4″ ribbon {teal OR blue ribbon - I’m a teal gal, but it’s up to you + pink ribbon}
- glue gun + a bunch of glue sticks {clear works best}
- needle + white thread
- safety pins for brooches – can be purchased at your local craft store
- small pearl-like beads – can be found in the jewelry department
-fabric strips in pink, teal OR blue, and white 2″ x 24″

Step 1: Warm up your glue gun

Step 2: Cut your ribbon about 8-12″ long {just depends on how big or small you would like your ribbons to be}

Step 3: Fold over your ribbon over and place drops of glue to secure ribbon into position. And be careful, this is where I almost regretted ever making them. Lots and lots of burned fingertips! >>OUCH<<

sidenote… fabric glue works great too, but a glue gun is… quicker? :)

Step 4: Place ribbon down to dry once the folded ribbon has been secured.

Step 5: Thread your needle and tie a double knot at the end of your thread. Place it aside for now.

Step 6: Begin the rosette by wrapping the fabric strip loosely around your thumb.

Step 7: Once you have wrapped the fabric around your thumb a few times remove it, tighten it a little. Begin twisting the fabric while wrapping it around and around. It’s okay if it looks a little messy at this point.

Step 8: When you are finished wrapping the fabric around, many times the back side of the rosette looks better so be sure to check both sides to make sure you get the prettiest side of the rosette to face outwards.

Step 9: Pick up your threaded needle and begin sewing through the backside of the rosette to secure the rosette.

Try to go through as many layers as possible to ensure that no fabric comes undone when the ribbon is worn.

sidenote: you can also use fabric glue or the glue gun for to secure the rosette, so you might see which option works best for you

Step 10: When you have secured the rosette be sure to tie a knot at the end of the thread and cut any remaining strings.

Step 11: Fasten rosette onto the crossing part of the ribbon with the glue gun, and hold down for a brief moment.

Step 12: Glue pearl bead in the center of the rosette. Press down to ‘flatten’ the rosette a bit.

Step 13: Lastly place a brooch pin on the backside to wear as a pendant.

A few more ways to use the ribbons:

- magnets

- to decorate memory boxes

- as gifts inside memory boxes

Hope you enjoyed the tutorial! Let me know if you tried it or are thinking about trying it!!! :)

XOXO