Some things I wish I could whisper to Heaven

Other than the obvious i miss you…

I’ve thought a lot about the things we’d be doing together. As a family of four. I wonder a whole bunch what it would be like with a 22 month old little girl in the mix. You’d no doubt be a great big sis’ to little Bubby.

I would tell you that even though none of this makes sense it’s somehow becoming normal. Whatever normal is.

I would tell you how even in my happiest moment there’s always a tinge of sadness.

I would have loved to see your face light up with the dolphins and sea lions this past weekend.

I wonder all the time if you can see us. I hope you can.

I am a little jealous that Bubby can see you {and I believe he can} and I can’t.

I still sometimes can’t believe it happened the way it did. And I survived.

Every time the skies are filled with pinks and purples I know it must be you watercoloring up there. You and all the babies painting for us. You make quite a beautiful mess.

Some pictures are still hard to look at, but maybe because that’s not how I want to remember you.

I am beginning to feel a quiet peace again.

Everything I do here is for you baby girl.

Thank you for making me a mommy…